Honeymoons over, back on the market.
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Posted:Nov 23, 2008 5:03 pm
Last Updated:Jan 12, 2015 7:35 pm
10333 Views
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So....
Things have not really worked out the way I wanted them to.
At first I was going to hold on to some hope that there would be a change with time, but my most previous lover has given me hardly any reason to belive that that will be occuring.
Tonights blog will be short...this is sorta a final closing on this book that I've been studying the past week called Why It's Not Workin' For Ken....by Ken.
I'm about to climb the tree tops once again and sound the mating call. I still love my friend to death. I really do. But I see no future in her, and will be looking for someone who's more deserving of me, but still possess the qualities I like....I will continue my ho'n ways until someone earns my devotion.
I hate to have to treat it like it's a prise and not a service...but that's just the way it is now.
Ken
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up dates, up dates up dates.
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Posted:Nov 13, 2008 10:43 am
Last Updated:Sep 30, 2011 7:42 pm
10423 Views
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So I know I've neglected the friends on this site for a while and figure it's time to fill some of ya'll in on what's been going on in Ken's crazy life lately.
I'm not sure where I left off at, and am too lazy to read previous post to pick it up, so I'll just start by saying my last semester of school went well, but I'm not enrolled this one because I've been training an apprentice for the past few months. Work pretty much gave me the choice of work, or school, and as much as I want to get that degree taken care of before I'm old, I need money, so I stuck with work.
In the recent months I've been hanging out on other sites, and meeting more people. Had several good things and friends come of that, but I found one in particular where I felt the match was best suited.
So what did I do? I called off all the other relationships to focus on this one. (Sound familiar anybody?) Aside from having a lot of women in North East KS. pissed at me for suddenly going off the market things went fairly well. A couple of really attached ones gave me a bit of grief..but I think they are over it, and we're all still friendly...at least I hope. Others showed their true colors, and when they did it, I was able to show them that is why they are not the ones who captured my heart.
So another thing I did that admittedly was pretty stupid, and something that I'd normally advise a friend not to do is let this person move in with me.
The original plan was into my spare bed room where I could get to know her better and gage if a relationship would work out, but our first night in the house together, and we realized, things were more then just a mutual crush. After a lil deliberation, we decided to enter an exclusive relationship, and I began to leak the news out a bit. Still have a spare room for rent too. LOL.
The relationship is odd in several ways, but I feel that this is the type of woman who possess all the characteristics and looks that I like. Of course I've had to take a lot of slack from friends who are concerned, and even went as far as telling one of them not to insult my intelligence when she scoffed at the news, and said "I hope she robs you blind."
Really? Do you think that a guy who's job used to be catching and arresting liars all day long is gonna be suckered just by a pretty face? Not to mention that I have a lot better grasp on human understanding then most people I know.
With out getting into too much details, yes this woman has been knocked on her ass and humbled. I'm doing all I can to help her rebuild herself because I see the spark in her that is trying to do it independently, and just needing a little help. I'm fully aware of the fact I can be getting used, or taken advantage of but that doesn't change the mission. Only adds caution to the feelings.
One night I was having some heart palpitations and this woman was scared for me. Tears in her eyes, I don't know many people who'd fake that unless they had at least a little caring in them.
Sexually she was pleasing in every way that I like...well, for the most part, but she tried. Then recently we've hit a wall. After all this bliss and passion, I try to initiate some loving one night and get an "I'm not really in the mood right now." I say no problem right? Everybody gets that way sometime....but then it happens the next night too. I let it slip by again, and luckily kiss my way into some lovin' later....then another brick is added to the wall when a third time I get this reply to my attempts at getting some pleasure from this woman I've come to adore.
I can only handle so much rejection I tell her. If it's gonna be like this, you may as well move your stuff back into the other room and sleep there as well...instead of with a horny brooding guy with a hard on.
But now, I'm going to choose my words carefully...Because I know full well that she may read this, and what transpired in words that night maybe better for me put down by keyboard.
She explains that she doesn't need it as much as me. Which I understand...where it's my preference to get it twice or more a day from a live in girl friend, I am okay with taking a day or two off from it....but further she adds that she does not want to feel like a piece of meat.
Now this somewhat upset me as I've given her nothing but respect from the start....and it's not about meat to me, it's about feeling accepted by someone who claims to be into you.
I told her that intellectually I understand, but emotionally I feel rejected, and that I hate to compare her to other women in my life, but she's giving off a vibe like my ex who'd go fridged for weeks at a time, and a former fwb who was down on her luck and moved in with me for a while sleeping in the same bed forbidding me to touch her sexually.
Now I may be jumping the gun greatly....because this has only been happing a few days, and I understand she's in a funk recently, but a man like me needs to know he's appreciated, and cared for, and the best way to show that is with some head...No, seriously...I mean I told her if the shoe was on the other foot, if eating her out was one of her only joys...I'd do it even if I wasn't in the mood....I got a sympathy hand job from her outta that one...which was sorta insulting in it's self since I can do that on my own.
So my feelings tear at me by respecting her feelings, but not wanting to feel neglected myself. I know I can bust the dominant attitude out if I wanted, but I'd rather have it given to me as a gift to make me feel good, not because I feel I have to put a woman who has now claimed exclusive rights to my cock in her place.
But here is where the problem lies. I'm not a cheater when I'm with someone. However I feel it's not right to have a warm nekkid woman sleeping next to me with out giving it up as desired, if she is really in fact bent on pleasuring me in order to make me feel special.
By not doing so, she is basically the same as every other female friend I have that I don't fuck....and that's not right when she has exclusive rights to the pleasure rod....and how easy to please I am, but lately..funk or not, I feel she's putting no effort into trying to.
I can wait it out for a while...see if the funk and stress lift in a few days, possibly a week...but I'm a 33 year old man who is sick of wasting time. My dick don't work right half the time as it is, I don't wanna wait until it fails completely.
But waiting is what I'll do, for her sake and mine. I'll wait shallowly on the side focusing on the bigger picture instead of my immediate gratification...but I fear that if I find myself waiting too long, I'll have to call things off, as I am a sex addict, and a tad bit greedy when it comes to my pleasures. But I'll be god damned if I'm letting another fridged woman like my ex into my life. I DESERVE BETTER, and I'm worth it. Mothers would kill to have a guy like me in their 's life to take care of them.
Is it so much to wanna be taken care of in my own little way in return?
I'm done ranting for now. Updates will be sure to follow as news transpires.
Ken
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It's in the baby gravy.
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Posted:Aug 5, 2008 9:25 pm
Last Updated:Nov 8, 2008 7:42 am
9247 Views
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Oooops, I did it again, as Brittney Spears would say.
Blasted another load down the shower drain, with little thought of "In the right woman, would this one have produced the individual who'd have cured cancer?".
Nah, probably woulda been a lil bastard who would end up in jail for something stupid.
Sometimes it's good to amuse ourselves with thoughts of what we'd be like, only if this or that would have happened or been the case.
But I like to take it a step up and wonder what my own (s) would be like.
What did our parents think we would turn out like?
I wonder how much of "US" are in the one sperm cell that united with the egg and grew into us. And how much of us are the events that shaped our lives?
I joke around with friends sometimes, "You're the load your momma shoulda swallowed.". Or "No matter what anybody tells you about how stupid, slow, or weak you are, remember you're the lil swimmer that got to yo momma's egg first."
Normally, I spend more time thinking and wondering about my demise, then I do about my origins. All the chance meetings by ancestors, risks and chances they took to beat the odds.
Each one starting off as an anonymous cell, being nurtured into a being, and then executing their will upon the earth.
Out of every sexual release I've had I'm sure I woulda had some winners and losers.
But there is a reason I'm 32 with no of my own. I don't really want to risk having a who'll grow into some kinda asshole. Not saying I would, but there is the possibility. I mean, I'd only be able to guide them so much, and for so long before they are off doing their own thing.
So what dictates this essence of the soul imparted to the as of yet unborn? Is it the foods we eat, being the consumers we are? The way we raise them setting a foundation to who they become? Environmental factors we have no control over? Or is it all about the baby gravy's use and time of release.
These are the questions I ponder tonight, as the shower walls become dry, and the condensation lifts off the bathroom mirrors.
Could we have been someone else? Do we owe it all to the chances our mothers and fathers took?
Or was there a part of us already here before hand?
Ken
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I get so pissed off....
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Posted:Aug 4, 2008 4:54 pm
Last Updated:Jan 12, 2015 7:41 pm
10259 Views
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I'm just venting here.
It pisses me off when ya spend so much time trying to get to know someone, investing time and hours you could have been doing something else, only to get nothing better out of it.
Recently I've had 3 fwb things start to bud out, and then suddenly recess to nothing. Sure, they are still friends, that's all good and cool right? Yeah, right! I've already got plenty of friends to talk with. What about the nights when I wanna hold a warm body next to me, or to caress someone's hair while they sleep on my chest?
What about the times I wanna do more then just gab on the phone, or listen to their problems?
It's hard, like I said, when you've started to put so much extra time into someone and it goes nowhere.
I suppose I've got a friend or two who'd say "Well, Ken, you did that to me! How's it feel?" (Like I've never experienced it before this, or them.) At least I give a reason why I don't want to take things farther, "You're too jealous for me." "You're a fuckin' nut." At least I give them things to ponder if they think they can change it, and perhaps get me to change my views on the details and reconsider.
But in my situation, it seems I get all the adoration, and then no reason for the lack of desiring me for more then friends.
I know others in this situation give up, or at least say they are going to give up.
But seriously.....Who does that hurt? Only the one giving up! I don't treat everybody else like they are the one who jaded me, and those other friends of mine shouldn't either.
Like I said, I'm just venting, because in my most recent adventure, I started to fall for a friend who did the whole call and talk for hours thing, hanging out for days thing, and even let me interact with her for months on end.
For months I've thought about both of them all day long. Dreaming about them. Speaking about them. Trying to figure if and where I'd fit into their lives. Even if I actually have a place in them. Where do they fit into mine?
She told me once that she feels like something is missing from her life. I felt the same, but dared not say it at the time. Finally I recently confessed I feel the same at times.
I was thinking this would open the door to more honesty, more time, and maybe commitment.
WRONG: Now I've got nothing coming from that avenue that is productive.
A wiser man would have decided to walk another avenue by now, but I held on to hope. It's only today that I decided to let it go. (At least in this case.)
I have some rules about going about things when I feel rejected. You miss more then two of my calls, and I stop placing them. (This applies to only situations when they know I'm gonna call, IE, texting them "I'm gonna call you so we can talk about this.") You turn me down for more then two visits consecutively, and on the third chance, it's a test. Which she failed today.
I know some people need alone time. Or time with others if they are not in a committed relationship, (Sometimes even when they are.) But I just can't believe it when someone claims to be into me, yet down plays my advances, or purposely misses opportunities I offer them.
Nothing makes me feel more like I've wasted time when this happens. I'm so easy to please, but I guess that's not noticeable to people who refuse to see.
So tonight will be one full of strong music, strong cigars, and strong drink for me. (But not too much as I have to work tomorrow.) Hell, I'll even skip the drinking...But damn this pisses me off.
Ken
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School's out, but the bell ain't rang yet...
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Posted:Jul 21, 2008 5:53 pm
Last Updated:Aug 5, 2012 8:38 am
10363 Views
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Ken breathes a sigh of relief and puts his lustful lil fingers back on the keyboard.
The summer semester for me is OVER, two more classes outta the way, and now it's time to pick two or three more for fall.
I've missed you all, and offer apologies for bein' scarce over the past couple of months, but let's start some catching up.
Hell, I'll start, after all who's blog is it? Yers, or mine?
In a nutshell, slave girl didn't work out. Just as I suspected, she got way too damn jealous, and ended up going to live out of state with other family members.
Since that time, I've initiated my youngest brother and one of his friends in the fine art of going to the titty club, and I've acquired a couple new fwbs, which of course there comes down sides with.
For example right now, one of them whom I adore, and would be willing to give a chance to is playing silent treatment with ol' Ken. Don't know why she's pissed, and sorta don't care, because I've done nothing wrong, but suspect one of her other boy toys is competing for attention with me, so I'll let him get a lil. Now some may be saying, "Ken, you idiot, if you like her, go for it man!" To that I say, can't do. My interest only stays on a certain level with this type until I see something that leads me to believe they want the same thing I do. In fact, I may be wrong about her seeing another guy the past couple days, she could just be taking a break and catching up with her , but the fact remains, the type of spirit she has, I need to see a certain amount of desire for me, before I'll allow myself to fall. Calling every night, and texting two or three times an hour don't cut it. She's got a lot of walls up right now, and I'm not breakin' em down until she opens a door for me. But on a good note, she is an authority figure in the town she works in, and very aggressive, but quit submissive around me. (And not because I beat her ass either. Ya'll know me better then that.)
Watching the ash from my last cigar fall, I realize I've gained some weight over the past two months. I will need to start exercising again, and watch what I eat. Living out of college vending machines don't set well with my gut.
As far as I know, I've passed my classes btw. But the bell ain't rang yet. Me still gotz lotsa classes to get outta the way before I reach my goal. My work don't like it much so I'm proceeding with caution, but fuck it, at least this train is proceeding.
Now I wanna know what's going on in my reader's lives. Details...I want details damn it!
Ken
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Test, test, test....Is this thing on?
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Posted:May 14, 2008 5:35 pm
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2008 1:58 pm
10558 Views
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Well hiya folks!
It's been a while, I know, but I've sometimes tried to blog but had too much stuff goin' on, incidents, or sheer laziness kick in causing me to put it off, but I'm back, (For now,) and here's what's been going on lately in my world.
No more holds on the accounts at school, and adequate funds thanks to my job returning to a form of stability it hasn't had for a while means I'm not an enrolled college boy again, once again pursuing my dreams of becoming a nurse....Okay, I'm not even gonna lie, I don't give a damn about becoming a nurse really, but I'll get paid more, and will get useful skills I can use anywhere in the world for it.
My professional life is going okay for the time being but I have had to tell them that I need to cut some hours in order to attend classes. So their response was, go to part time status and loose all my benefits, or change my shifts to 12 hours with call if needed. I choose the goin' to 12s cuz I need to keep my cash flow steady.
In my love life there is not much to tell lately, although I have been playing on alt.com recently, and have found myself a young lady who wants to be a live in slave. Recently, events at home have turned her life upside down, and while I was planning on waiting several more months for her to move in, I think it best to expedite her relocation.
As many of you know, this is not the first time I've let a friend move in with me, it is however the first time that friend is wanting to be a sex slave, so I'm willing to give it a shot, and have a back up plan in case it don't work out.
I've explained to her some simple rules, one being that I don't tolerate jealousy, and will still fuck other people, but will sometimes involve her in it as well, and she seems cool with the idea. But we'll see. Most women I've found who say that are full of crap.
Many things are going on in the world that I don't like. Earthquakes in China, aide being with held in Myanmar and used as propaganda tools, presidential elections with poor choices AGAIN, running for office. But there is one shimmer of hope....One thing I do like is the new Indiana Jones movie about to come out.
Growing up I loved the characters Harrison Ford has played as Dr. Jones, as well as Han Solo in Star Wars. Both sparked my interest in things such as action, romance, and having a good guy, who sometimes did bad things, winning in the end.
Every time I face odds that seem overwhelming, Characters like the ones mentioned above have been my idea of the persona I should have in order to over come them, and to be honest, I'm pretty good at doing just that.
Not too long ago, when I lost my job, I was in a funk. All my ideas were flushed down the toilet, and I sank into that do or die mode that has gotten me through so much other things in the past. in the end, just like in those movies, I persevered, and I won.
So now, just like Dr. Jones getting to crack his whip in the new movie, my newest adventures are about to begin as well......But I'm sure I'll make some time to go see the show, while I'm staring in my own.
Ken
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Rainy Days & Mondays...
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Posted:Feb 25, 2008 8:15 am
Last Updated:May 18, 2008 8:19 am
10395 Views
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It would seem that I have unexpectedly lost my job.
Before anybody draws any conclusions as to what it may have to do with, and if it's related to events in my last blog, I want to say that no, it's not, and it's purely from something I said to the CEO when leaving late on Friday night. Specifically "It's two hours late, there are still two surgeries going on, and I quit." She probably knew I meant for the night, but since I had my last paycheck waiting for me sometime between 6pm on Friday night, and 7am Monday morning, I can only conclude that she along with her goons decided to take advantage of my words, and use them to can me.
I know they've wanted to for a long time...Now's their chance. I can't blame them for taking it.
I oddly enough feel very free...A little upset, but more free. I've needed some time off, and now I'm gonna get it.
I'm also now free to get the ball rolling on the head nurse whom I hate, and try and get her fired for HIPPA violations, and now I don't have to worry about retaliation which they say doesn't happen, but does.
I'm not sorry for what's gone down, I'm not repentant, and I'm not really mad. Just upset that my routine is now broken....Oh, and the lack of money and preferred lifestyle that I'm sure is to soon follow.
Old Ken needs time to decompress anyways though. I've had friends unload their problems on me all week, dealt with my own issues, and other matters, but I have been getting focused again, which is what I said I was going to do in my last blog. There is no more hold on my account, (That I know of.) at school, so if I'm able to afford it, I'll be back next semester.
But right now it's time to take a couple days off, and start looking for a new job.
I know some people would wallow in despair and go on a drinking binge, but I'm better then that. I don't need chemicals to become my next issue when I have enough already.
This loss of job is small potatoes. I have my health, (Did I just say that? What health?)I've got a little cushion in the bank, but most importantly I have great friends to help keep my spirits up.
The last time I lost a job, I was 24. I felt so worthless. It was so bad for me, that I lined my ungays (Sorry, have to use pig latin because of AdultFriendFinder censorship.) up on the table, and was trying to decide what size of a hole to put in my head. My mother called just as I was deciding on the three fifty seven.
But I don't feel that way this time. I've learned my worth, and I know that jobs, like women tend to come and go, and are so not worth it.
So the purpose of this blog now, is just to vent. To let some friends know what's going on in my life, and to decompress a little.
I don't want, or care for any sympathy, because I don't feel weak at all. I feel free, and I look forward to this newest challenge in my life. I like it when my hand is forced because it's sometimes the only chance I get to use power that I normally keep in quiet reserve.
Now if ya'll don't mind, I need to get back to my classifieds.
Ken
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Sorry to have kept ya'll waiting.
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Posted:Jan 12, 2008 11:24 pm
Last Updated:Jan 12, 2015 7:45 pm
11029 Views
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I know, I know...it's been a while since I've blogged, and I've been hearing about it from a few of you for some time now, so tonight, I decided to sit down, and bang one out. (I mean bang out a blog on my keyboard...get yer mind outta the gutter.)
A lot has happened since my last blog, and I'm sure I'll forget most of it while I touch on the points I do wanna discuss, but I've been busy getting to know a lot of old friends, and been hanging out on some other sites too.
The advice lines that I once held so dear is in total shambles now a days. All the multi profilers who once graced it claiming it was obviously set up for fun, and not really the idea of sharing advice and stories have really turned it upside down by arguing amongst themselves, putting each other down, bitching about how other mulitis act, or the quality of the threads....It's gotten so stupid there I hardly even log on to check it these days.
I'm so back logged on catching up on my readers blogs that I'll probably never be caught up, and in total honest, because of one of the ladies I mentioned in my last blog, I've not been looking around for potential new mates.
Things with that new friend have been complicated by time issues we both have, and unfortunately, a lack of two way communication at times which is a big red flag for me, as that's how my last gf acted right before dumpin my ass...we've cleared things up a bit since then, but I've decided I can't wait around forever on the nights we used to meet on so often wondering if she'd show up or call, so I'm moving on to meet other people once again. (Which I'm sure she's also doing.) But like with all my friends, she has a special place in my heart, and I'm available for her when she needs me, or even just my ears or eyes.
I feel like I'm in a downward spiral as far as my health goes. I've been drinking way too much lately, getting out of shape again, not eating right, and generally wasting away.
Some of you already know about a condition I have where sometimes I have heart palpitations, or sudden drop in my blood pressure. These problems are becoming more acute lately too. I was at work just a couple days ago talking with one of my co-workers who I actually like and was having a feeling like someone gripping and squeezing inside my chest, followed by weakness. My friend was really concerned as I looked bad (Or so he says.) and I kept joking "Come on God...Kill me! I'm waiting damn it!"
As you know, I already feel like I've lived past what I was supposed to, and that's why I find this condition so funny. No matter how many times I'm hooked up to an EKG machine, or have a BP cuff strapped on, I never get to find exactly the source of my problem...although I believe it comes from my current life style.
I suppose I could do things to help change it. Live more healthy, stop smoking stogies, eat right, get my cutting edge back by getting in shape, but it's much easier for me now days with my lackadaisical attitude to be lazy.
Some of the friends I've been catching up with are amazed by my life story. They think it's book material. They might be right, but to me it all seems like it was another guy and another life when I'm telling them about my history over the past 10 or more years.
I've changed so much, and not all for the better I might add.
Of course some things have, as I've gotten more education, and make more money, but part of my brain feels that this is the root of my current problem. More money means having the means to buy and do what I want, and more education has put me in a position where I don't feel the same way about the world as I used to.
So old Ken has to find a happy medium where he can sort through the good ol' days that he wants to remember, but lock away the bad habits of the here and now while keeping the same mindset that the here and now is all we really have going for us anyways.
I don't know what all I'm really trying to say here. I guess I'm just feeling like my life is some sorta test tube, where chemical reactions take place, but no real results are ever anticipated, and I want that to change.
I'm sick and tired of bein' sick and tired so to speak.
I know the things I want, and normally would go after them, but lately I'm not doing that.
So tomorrow, I will set aside some time for deep meditation to talk with my inner core to find out what I need to be doing to get back on track.
I'm tired of not having a degree (Aside from in a black belt.) I'm tired of not having a stead partner(s), I'm tired of being unhealthy, I'm tired of always being the one in control, or the center of attention. I'm tired of being tired.
I've lost focus on so many things. And it's time to get my ass back on track.
It's a sad state of being when a man has no love or desire for anything he once cherished or grasped onto so tightly.
I feel like a leaf being blown off target by the breeze as it falls from the top of a tree.
Ken
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Two Second Chances. How Many Does One Man Need?
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Posted:Dec 1, 2007 7:15 pm
Last Updated:Feb 2, 2008 7:02 pm
11260 Views
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Today I am estatic.
I'm not going to say exactly why, because I'd rather be thought of as a fool, then open my mouth and prove it, but I will say that last night I finally met (In person.) with someone I have a lot in common with.
I also have been so busy that this weekend would be like a breath of fresh air, if it were'nt for all the cigars I've smoked. Oh...and for the wind blowing so hard a tree in my yard is almost branchless now.
The weather here has been switching from hot to cold, just like an indecisive .
This week I've experienced a lot of pleasure and pain. In fact, to me, they are almost the same.
But one pain I've had for a while was the loss of a friend who was very special to me. No, IT WAS NOT A LOSS IN DEATH...but rather a falling out after a night of drunkeness, over two years ago, where she spoke ill of someone I cared about. Because of that I set fire to the bridge out of anger at her words, and made no effort to contact her since that time.
until recently while on my space, I found her profile and decided to reestablish a connection, because I have learned some of what she said about my ex was actually true....I just didn't want to hear it at the time, which is sad because if I actually listened to her, I'd have known she wasn't calling her a bitch because of who and what she is, but for the fact that she wasn't good enough to deserve someone like me.
As you can tell, I'm not being modest tonight. I always knew I deserved better then my last girl friend, but out of a twisted form of respect, and honor I could not bare to let her go...although I knew prior to our dating that someday I may have to.
I was her first lover, I helped her in every way I could. She took, and took, but rarely gave back.
I see it now clear as a glass of water. But...to get back to the story, my friend tried to tell me, and I wouldn't listen, so in the long run, I invested more time and care into a lop sided cause and got burned.
Luckily, after finding my friend again, I sent an email that earned my redemption...and I have my friend back.
A lot has happened since that time. She's now married, and a mother. I never thought she would settle down, but I suspect she still has a wild streak in her.
Speaking of wild streaks...hehehe.
I had a very nice date last night with another person from my past. We found each other by chance on this site, and I feel that the hit off was a home run.
The song lyrics below are dedicated to her.
These two second chances are so cool....the only thing that may be cooler is Heather Nova, my favorite female vocalist adding me to her friends list on my space. LOL...well, that was pretty cool....but not as cool as the date last night.
Ken
Liz Phair: Why Can't I? lyrics
Get a load of me, get a load of you
Walkin' down the street, and I hardly know you
It's just like we were meant to be
Holding hands with you when we're out at night
Got a girlfriend, you say it isn't right
And I've got someone waiting too
What if this is just the beginning
We're already wet, and we're gonna go swimming
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Isn't this the best part of breakin' up
Finding someone else you can't get enough of
Someone who wants to be with you too
It's an itch we know we are gonna scratch
Gonna take a while for this egg to hatch
But wouldn't it be beautiful
Here we go, we're at the beginning
We haven't fucked yet, but my heads spinning
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
High enough for you to make me wonder
Where it's goin'
High enough for you to pull me under
Somethin's growin'
out of this that we can control
Baby I am dyin'
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
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The Vacation That Never Ends.
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Posted:Nov 12, 2007 10:08 pm
Last Updated:Nov 27, 2007 8:06 pm
10977 Views
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I'm on my last couple of days off now on this extended vacation I've taken.
While I can say it's felt good to be free from work this long, I do have a desire for something to do in order to help my days seem less chaotic.
I mean being untethered at the time is great, but I've been eating out too much, gaining weight, pampering myself way too much, have watched every movie at the video store (TWICE!) and still have managed to rack up over 1500 miles on a rental car.
I've had a lot of fun, and got alot of things done with my time off, but I think the most fun I had was last week when I decided to pull myself outta my element here, and go on a lil tour of a few of the states over to my North East.
I was a little dismayed at the fact that some people who I've really wanted to meet in person shrugged me off, never got back with me, or flat out ignored me or disappeared, but to the ones who did answer my calls, and emails, well, well, well....as you all know, we let the good times roll!
I'll protect the names of the innocent, and even the not so innocent, by saying to those of you who hung out with me and showed me a good time in the states of MO, IN, and MI, thanks, and you know who you all are. Should any of you find yourselves in Eastern KS. near my city, look me up!
I left at 7 oAM on last Friday morning, and drove up Through MO. I made a pit stop in Warrensburg for coffee with an old friend, and the fact that I didn't really have a schedule made for a great feeling, even so, once I got back on the interstate, it was petal to the metal, to make it into Illinois, where sadly some phone calls were not returned, so I had no reason to stop, or even slow down. Once I got into Indiana, I decided to deviate from the Interstate, on to some highways. This seemed like a good idea at the time, until I got to about the second podunk town where the highway snaked through at awful turns which were saturated with stop lights, and train tracks.
By Friday night I was settled into my hotel in Lafayette, and waited eagerly for a lovely lady friend to show up. We didn't have much time, so we compressed as much fun as we could into a couple of days and nights. We hit the movies, breweries, the bedpost, a few restaurants and shops, and went sight seeing all in this time.
It was good times and great company, and when Sunday rolled around we had to part ways because I had more friends to visit, and trying to squeeze as much fun in as I could get away with while my was being watched by another friend who was sweet enough to help me out.
When I arrived in Elkhart I called my other good friend and let her know I had some cops on my tail, but that I was gonna cruse around until I found a spot to wait for her to call back. Instead, on a whim, I just drove around until I found her place, and got the warmest welcome anybody that far up North could get. That night, my lovely friends and I went up into MI to meet some more new friends. It was a lot of fun but soon we had to take off, because I was promised a steak dinner, and Goddamn it was good. All the lakes and trees in the IN, and MI areas were so beautiful. If we had more time I'd have loved to stay for a meet n greet with some other people I know from the area, but I needed my car returned and felt I should be getting back home to my responsibilities soon. But before I did my awesome host took me to an amazing place where I felt like I died and had gone to heaven. Actually, she did that twice. LOL, once to a actual place, and the other time on a nice warm waterbed.
The morning came too soon. It was sleeting and snowing outside, no sun, and miles to be traveled. I dared not look at the map because I wanted to remain undaunted in my travel mindset. With the help of much caffeine, and a few fuel stations I made it back in time to return the rental car with out additional fees. I returned home to my dog, and continued on with my vacation, now back at a pace of ease where I had no time constraints.
I've seen many friends, and had too many good times to put it all in one blog seems lame, but I'm gonna do it because I can. Besides, I still got me some movies to watch, and a few days to wake up as late as I want to. Hehehe.
Living life like this is one more reason I wish I could become an internet millionaire.
To all those (And you know who you are.) who helped make my trip a good one, I say thanks, and you are all welcome to join me anytime you're in my stomping grounds.
Ken
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Halloween Party Time! Check Your Good Behavior At The Door.
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Posted:Oct 29, 2007 12:44 am
Last Updated:Nov 26, 2007 5:38 pm
11210 Views
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Whew!
Last night I finally put that big ass mustache I've been growing and all that leather to use.
I attended two Halloween parties in cities 20 miles apart. I was supposed to go to another, but unfortunately the government will not allow human cloning, so I axed one. (Had an invite to a fourth, but already stretched thin. Sorry Broken.)
The first event was at the Crown Pavilion and was to help raise money for breast cancer, which is a nasty, and sometimes fatal disease which robs women of dignity, and in some cases their feelings of being sexy.
I love breast, I mean I really love em, but I'd have gone if it were any other cancer event as well, and I encourage anybody who has a chance to attend an event such as this one to go, and give as much as you can to help fight and research this disease.
The Pavilion was set up in a very nice, almost posh kinda way considering it's in the middle of a car lot. Pink and white balloons drifted above every elegant table, the stage was set for a live band, (The Benders for those of you who like them.) and guest began to trickle in. Most people at first were not showing up in costume, which made those of us who were a bit giddy, but as the night wore on and more guest arrived things got more lively and festive.
I put on my "social creature" demeanor and mingled with people the best my introverted self would allow. Then some of my good friends and co-workers started showing up, and I was able to let my guard down a bit for them.
There was a lot of fun to be had, but sadly I needed to be booking after a couple of hours for my next event, so I slipped out the door, and left my crew behind.
I had thought about taking my bike for the ride to the next event, but let's be honest, a bad ass looking biker with a big pink boa just don't look right going down back roads (Which are patrolled by Sheriff's Dept. Because of a supposed haunted area we have here between Lawrence, and Topeka.)when time is of the essence.
The next event was at a large barn with huge fields. I couldn't miss it from all the bon fires, and black clad partiers. (Oh, and that 300 tons of parked cars near the barn.)
Death metal was playing as I got out and made my way up a small hill to the barn. This party was being thrown by a few local bands in honor of a guy named "Billy" who was severely injured in an accident at Crown Center last year. The contrast in my costume was in instant hit. I'm a lil shy so I was not too comfortable with all the people wanting pictures with me, but I did it anyways. I found my friend who'd been expecting me, and we shot the shit while waiting for his band to be called up to play. Many of our other mutual friends were there, and as we were getting tanked and drooling over all the "undead" women there I heard my buddies band called up.
I got in the front row with his wife and her friend (Who was pretty darn fine, and if I remember correctly from what my friend had told me, a nympho.)and offered them my protection for when the moshing broke out. It was a joke of course, but partly serious, however, I think after being to a million of these types of events before, I'm sure they knew how to handle things.
One asshat got behind my friends wife and started to nod at me while acting like he was fucking her from behind. I saw a dildo in his hand, and said "Come on now man! Does it look like I'm in to that? But you look like my type, why don't you come behind the barn with me and let me show you how to really use that thing." I then ran my sissy ass boa across his face, and he took off like a bolt.
(Rule number one of Ken. "You don't fuck with Ken's friends.")
I must admit, this second party was a lot more lively, and ahem...um, to my liking then the first, so I stayed longer and got more involved. After my bud was done laying down his tracks, I went outside the barn for a smoke. I lit my stogie, dodged a couple drunks stumbling around, and soon found myself with cute, but odd gal telling me how much she loved me. She kept interrupting another conversation I was having with a friend and asked if she could "sock check" me, because she'd heard that guys in chaps stuff the front. She then asked the guy behind her, (The hubby I found out.) if it was okay, and I told her to go ahead. My friend could not believe it, and really I couldn't either. "Oh my God!" she exclaimed, "There's no sock in there!" We laughed about it some more, and I changed the conversation from how much she'd marry me on the spot if she wasn't already hitched, to motorcycles, thinking that would make her shut up.
WRONG! Turned out that her and her man loved to ride. My bud knew that I was now trapped in this conversation for a while and he fuckin' left me. What a punk.
I got invited to their place, but despite the temptation, and not really knowing if we were all on the same page declined the offer.
About 2:00 AM I figured I was good for driving and told my buddies I was gonna beat it.
And I did. With all those hot, sexy, ghoulish faces still fresh in my memory, I beat it like it owed me money....Okay, I'm just joking about that part, I was beat, and I went to bed. LOL, But damn, I like them zombies!
I now gotta get through another few days of vacation nothing to do's, and then I think I'll be on my little road trip.
I'm all Halloweened out for now, but I know that there are still a few more days for costumed fun. Just this time, no gay biker for me.
What are ya'll doing for Halloween this year?
Gonna wait with the candy dish? Or are you gonna raise some hell?
Ken
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Look at me! Do I look sad? I'm fuckin' happy damnit!
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Posted:Oct 23, 2007 11:27 pm
Last Updated:Oct 29, 2007 12:45 am
10873 Views
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It's that time of year again and the folks at work told me use my Paid Time Off or loose it.
So I said "Why the hell not?"
Of course now they are upset that I decided to take the whole 3 weeks off, but hell, they'll manage, and maybe appreciate me a little more when I get back.
To protect the innocent, I'm not going to mention where I'm going and who all I'll be seeing, but those of you who know will get more details later as to when to expect me.
Just cuz I'm on vacation does not mean I'm not busy. I'm already dealing with many schedule conflicts and have axed some portions of my travel, so that I may save them for another time and date.
I'm planning to hit The Edge Of Hell, or The Beast with some friends before this week's end, and have two Halloween parties I am expected to show up at.
But other then those things, I intend to live with out a care in the world as for time.
Time seems to always be my worst enemy. Well, next to myself anyways.
It always seems like it's bearing down on me, passing too slowly one moment, then picking up at incredible intervals the next. I hate time. Or I should say I hate keeping track of time.
I'd turn my cell phone off except that I expect a few emergency calls from work, and friends, but I am shutting down the alarm clock on my phone, as well as the one next to the bed.
If I were not a po college boy again, I'd most likely be jetting out of the country for a while, but this time I'm sticking to my own land. Besides, I have to admit that my Japanese is getting rusty with nobody to talk with on a daily basis anymore for almost more then a year and a half now.
Now is probably the best time for me to start taking care of so many of the things I've had up in the air for so long. But I'm sure I'll have no trouble slacking when needed either.
One thing I know that is gonna suck will be finally getting back into my natural sleep habit, and then having it all end again when this vacation is over.
As for now, I got me some scary movies to watch, and if that takes all night and morning, I suppose under these circumstances, that will be just fine.
This is MY TIME damnit.
For me....
For me to use....
Mine mine mine.
What a greedy little fuck I am.
Ken
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To link to this blog (potbelliedman) use [blog potbelliedman] in your messages.
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