I Would Do Anything For Love... But I Won't Do That.
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Posted:Aug 17, 2013 7:21 pm
Last Updated:Aug 31, 2013 5:51 pm
26783 Views
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I can't tell you how much I wish I could upload that M&M commercial with the red M&M singing that song! Probably the funniest commercial ever! 
When Meatloaf originally wrote this song, everyone speculated as to what the hell he was talking about. What did he mean, he won't do that? He won't do what? Looking into the lyrics, we find out that what he was talking about was cheating on his lady. Here are the end lyrics of what I'm talking about:
"Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)" by Meatloaf.
"And I would do anything for love, oh I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won't do that, no I won't do that.
[Girl:] Will you raise me up, will you help me down?
Will you get me right out of this Godforsaken town?
Will you make it all a little less cold?
[Boy:] I can do that! I can do that!
[Girl:] Will you hold me sacred? Will you hold me tight?
Can you colorize my life, I'm so sick of black and white?
Can you make it all a little less old?
[Boy:] I can do that! Oh oh, now I can do that!
[Girl:] Will you make me some magic, with your own two hands?
Can you build an emerald city with these grains of sand?
Can you give me something I can take home?
[Boy:] I can do that! Oh oh now, I can do that!
[Girl:] Will you cater to every fantasy I got?
Will ya hose me down with holy water, if I get too hot?
Will you take me places I've never known?
[Boy:] I can do that! Oh oh now, I can do that!
[Girl:] After a while you'll forget everything
It was a brief interlude and a midsummer night's fling
And you'll see that it's time to move on
[Boy:] I won't do that! No I won't do that!
[Girl:] I know the territory, I've been around
It'll all turn to dust and we'll all fall down
And sooner or later, you'll be screwing around
[Boy:] I won't do that! No I won't do that!
Anything for love, oh I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won't do that, no I won't do that."
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I bring this up not to criticize anyone here for cheating on their significant other, if that's what they're doing. Many S.O.'s are perfectly happy with sharing their spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend with other people, and all power to them. Hell, one of my ex-girlfriend's fantasy was to take me to a sex party, put me in a public room, and to use her own words, "Keep feeding you women until you collapse from exhaustion, or they do." Sadly, that was a fantasy that never saw the light before we broke up... that would have been... interesting. 
Neither am I criticizing anyone who is sleeping around without their S.O.'s knowledge. While I don't condone it, you're a big boy/girl and it's your life, and I hope you realize that karma is a pretty serious bitch to piss off.
I bring it up because I've never cheated on anyone I've dated before. Well, I suppose that's not TECHNICALLY true, as I was seeing other people sexually during my separation, which eventually became my divorce... so if you want to split hairs, I guess I have cheated before. That, however, was a one-time revenge deal that has never been repeated no matter how upset I was at something a girlfriend did. It was stupid of me, and looking back on it, it was something that didn't hurt my ex-wife nearly so much as it hurt me. Especially since she was pretty much sleeping with any guy who would have her... I doubt she even cared.
But in my years on this Earth, I've been exposed to so many lives and lifestyles, genuine pain and overblown fakes, heroes and zeroes, people with damn good reasons for what they do and people with no good reason at all, that my black-and-white image of the world growing up has long since become a pretty medium shade of gray. And to say, "THIS IS WRONG! PERIOD!" without taking into account extenuating circumstances is... well... wrong.
I'm not going to go into specific examples, because I don't want to bore you or cause an argument here. Hell, I'm not even sure why I'm writing all this, except that maybe I'm trying to figure out the answers myself, and often I come to some epiphanies when I write. I guess this isn't one of those times.
But I will say this much. I think we human beings are far too quick to judge others by words and actions. I mean, if somebody were to shout out some sort of racist slur for all the world to hear, everyone would point at them and scream, "RACIST!"... and never stop to find out that guy has Tourette syndrome. People are quick to scream at a soldier who shot a in a battlefield, and never bother to ask about the grenade the was trying to kill the soldier with. People will point and laugh at the guy who gets splashed by the puddle a thoughtless driver drove through, and never know that it was their laughter that was the final straw to cause him to feel that no one in the world loved him, and he commits suicide.
The overly-sensitive woman who gets a guy fired because he compliments her outfit or her eyes or her hair. The school principal who suspends a for playing war with his friends on the playground. The "good church-going citizens" who protest the funerals of soldiers and attack gay people and intimidate women buying "day-after" pills. The people who are quick to form a mob and destroy entire city blocks every time a court decision doesn't go the way they want it to, whether the person involved was guilty or not.
We're all so quick to judge. We're all so determined to "set the world RIGHT" when what we really mean is "make everyone think the same thing I think." We're all so damned thoughtless about what anyone else thinks... just me me me.
And people snort in derision when I say we live in an entitlement-minded society.
I'm a student of critical thinking and rhetoric. In fact, it's my specialization in my English Literature major. It's in my nature to be open-minded about all things until I've had a chance to find out the facts for myself, and even then to keep an open mind to the possibility that I might be wrong. I've been criticized for being too laid back about things. Most of those people don't know me very well, and usually label me with that because I didn't immediately agree with something they said. I certainly have my opinions about things, and often very strong opinions, but I believe in taking the Devil's Advocate just so all viewpoints and options can be explored before passing judgement.
This is the essence of communication. Communication is the key to a successful relationship. Successful relationships lead to true love. So I say... open your mind and stop being so insistent that you're right about your opinions. Be flexible in what you believe, and be ready to accept new information even if it conflicts with what you believe or know. Mankind used to think flight was impossible, that the Earth was flat, and the farthest you could communicate was the distance of a man shouting.
You don't know everything. Stop pretending that you do, and just be yourself. Stop trying to change other people, and just accept them as they are... they're not going to change for you, anyway. I am who I am, and you are who you are. I'm not going to try and change who you are.
I would do anything for love.
But I won't do that.
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Notice Anything Different?
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Posted:Aug 16, 2013 1:57 pm
Last Updated:Aug 22, 2013 8:27 pm
19730 Views
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A few announcements from yours truly.
First of all, the changes to my blog are completed! I invite you to go through the entire blog (it's only about seven pages or so) and look for where I've added pictures and changed a few of the blogs to update personal opinions and such. I think the changes are pretty funny or at least appropriate to the topic I blogged about... I'll leave it to you to decide. And please leave a comment on that blog if you like the pic I added! 
Secondly, I've changed my profile. Rather drastically. Let's face it, I'm just not making things happen on the FWB front. While the overactive-sex-drive part of me wants to have several FWB's to play with whenever they and I feel the urge, that dream has been losing steam the past few months. And... well... this post I made a while back, The One That Got Away The Story of Jenny, made me realize that I really want to find Ms. Right. In fact, that urge has been foremost on my mind in the last year or two, even though I was on here trying to find FWBs.
But I understand why I was looking, now. A friend, with benefits. I even emphasized the fact that I wanted a FRIEND that I also have sex with. Well, what's that, when you boil away the bullshit?
It's a girlfriend, Lion. Duh. Actually, if you really want to get to the nuts and bolts of it, it's a life partner.
I've mentioned many times here that I love being in love. It's almost a downside to me, because I forget sometimes that I'm not supposed to be in love with love, I'm supposed to be in love with the woman. It used to be a real problem with me, but as we grow older, we put aside childish things and put our big-boy pants on. I'm more mature now, and more picky about who I fall for.
Long story short, I'm turning A.F.F. into another dating site for me. Yeah, it's probably a dumb thing to do, since people really don't get on this website to "date", per se. But I believe that, deep down, we all want to find our special someone, and maybe mine is here. Maybe there are women here who, on the surface, may ACT like they're just here for sex and fun, but are secretly hoping one of these guys is looking for more.
I'm that guy.
Thirdly, I've discovered that I have hypertension. In layman's terms, I have high blood pressure. This isn't the first time it's been a problem, either. Several years ago, I had 2nd stage hypertension, which means I was in the high-risk category. I was 260 lbs, didn't exercise at all, drank sodas like a fish drinks water, I had a sedate lifestyle, and I was getting over the breakup with my fiance', not to mention a gigantic debt and a ton of other stress.
The military woke me up and got me off my ass. Now I'm at 195 lbs, I exercise at least three times a week and try to do it every day, sodas are a thing of the past (I actually get a little sick when I drink one, now), I'm active and enjoying life, stress is down, the debt is gone. Life is good, right?
I still have hypertension. It went down to stage one for a while, but it's back up to second stage again.
It's not fair, really. I'm doing everything I'm SUPPOSED to be doing! I cut a lot of red meat out of my diet and replaced it with chicken and fish (I need a lot of protein for my body type), I'm exercising, I lost a ton of weight... I even cut down on my caffeine, even though there's no proof that says it's connected to hypertension (although it kinda makes sense). I'm eating more veggies and fruits and whole grains. What else can I do?
Heh heh... well, actually... most doctors say that a regular and active sex life is great for the blood pressure. Not much luck in that department lately, however.
Sigh... I guess it might be time to see a doctor and look into medication. I've really been avoiding that, though. I hate medicating problems. Medication doesn't actually solve anything, they just make the symptoms die down, and they're expensive. The problem still exists, and it's not going away.
So that's my update. Fixed the blog, looking for Ms. Right, hypertension. All caught up.
Who wants to go swimming?
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They've Given Me A Number... And They've Taken Away My Name.
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Posted:Aug 14, 2013 9:20 pm
Last Updated:Aug 14, 2013 10:27 pm
18865 Views
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Making that initial connection to make an acquaintance doesn't seem to be terribly difficult for me unless I have romance on the mind. Just saying hello and making friends is pretty simple, really... you just have to do it. Yes, yes, I know... not as easy as I'm saying for many people. But really, it is. It's just getting up, walking over, saying hi, and letting what comes next just happen.
I gotta tell you, though: lately, I've had the weirdest things happen to me in that regard.
Take today, for instance. I've been working for SJCH for the last six months or so. I've blended into the scenery, made some friends, people know me now. But at first, for some unknown reason, people were kind of tip-toeing around me. Acting like they weren't entirely sure what they should say to me, trainers specifically telling me that the methods they were training me were County-approved and making a point that everyone does it their own way as long as it all got done, looking at me funny when they thought I couldn't see, suddenly cease talking when I entered the room... just generally acting funny.
Now, I just figured that the place was clique-ish, and once my newness died down, all the weirdness would stop. And little by little, it DID get better to a small extent. But me being me, I pretty much ignored the gossip and the rumor-mills, made friends with the non-clique-ey people, and did my job to the best of my ability. Like I always do.
I should say this... most of the county workers I work with are the kind that do the bare minimums, tend to hide as much as possible, and generally fuck off as often as they get away with. I find that the clique-ers fall almost exclusively into this group.
So it was to my shock, and at the same time not surprising at all, that I found out today that everyone thought I was a spy.
For those of you who just flashed on James Bond and thought, "Whoa, Lion's a SPY????"... I love you, and you're awesome. But no, not that kind of spy.
See, I was hired along with another woman about my age, she also with a military background, and both of us took on the job with our typical hard-work ethic and fast learning skills that are pretty much mandatory for a military member. So the both of us took on the job, totally kicked ass at it, and pretty much became rockstars in the eyes of our bosses. So much so, that our bosses told me in private that she and I are the new standard for hiring new blood and wanted to weed out the lazy people. For the record, that information went nowhere but the bosses and me.
At the same time, since I have managerial experience, I've made no secret of the fact that I plan to get hired on full-time at the first opportunity and start pushing for a management position. Naturally, this means taking on an attitude of leadership in order to prove I have what it takes.
Combine all those things I just told you, and stir in an unhealthy amount of suspicion, guilt, and the entitlement-minded society California seems cursed with, and you have the perfect storm for vicious gossip revolving around me. And since before I got hired on, our bosses had made it known that the lazy attitude was going to have to change, that led to only one conclusion:
The other woman and I were hired to spy on the lazy people, report on their actions, and get enough proof to get them fired. Naturally.
Despite the fact that I would love to carry a concealed weapon (I do, but it only beats up on pussies...  ) and have a code name like Agent Awesome-Deathstriker or something, I'm not a spy. I haven't been acting like a spy. Hell, I'm only moderately good at my job, since it's not exactly my forte'... I prefer office work. But when one of the rumor-mill-lazy-bones finally confided in me that the rumor that I was a spy had been circulating ever since I started there, I wasn't sure how to react.
Well, that's not entirely accurate. I laughed my ass off, proceeded to tease and make fun of every single one of my co-workers for the rest of the day, told my supervisor and the managers of the area about the rumor so they could share in the laughter (they did, harder than I was), and I've decided to start acting like a spy on occasion around the lazy people... just to see what they do.
You know... hold my watch up to my mouth and mutter something into it while they're looking, pull out a notepad and scribble something, glance meaningfully at the others and walk into the manager's office... just to say hi. Just generally fuck with their minds.
Most will get the joke. But those with the guilty conscience will always wonder... is Lion actually a spy? Did he out himself in order to throw suspicion off and ingratiate himself into the group? Does Lion hold the hang-man's noose that will kill their county jobs???
I suppose we'll never know.
Mwahahahahahahaha! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I can do a mean Vincent Price evil chuckle when I want to.
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Spicing Up The Blog... Lion Assistance.
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Posted:Aug 12, 2013 4:12 pm
Last Updated:Aug 25, 2013 6:39 am
19181 Views
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I've come to the realization that my blog is kinda boring.
I mean, look at the popular blogs. What do they have in common? Pictures, funny memes, nude bodies, sexy scenes... all the things that say "PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!!"
What do I have? Just me, writing stuff. Boring.
I thought to myself... how can I make things more interesting for my readers? Should I take an intellectual approach? Tried it, bombed badly. Should I post HNW pics of myself? Only moderate response, and I'm not terribly thrilled with putting myself out there like that. In person, or pics to a specific person, sure... public nudity is just not my ball of yarn.
So, I'm adding a little something to my blog. And since my theme is and has always been lions, it sorta made sense to keep on that theme. Pictures of lions, memes of lions, cats who think they're lions, cartoons of lions, even lions having sex! Surprisingly, there are a lot of those to be found on the Internet...
And it's not just from now on... I've also added some pics to my old posts! Want to know how I spiced up many of my old posts? I invite you to go look through my old posts and see where I made changes! There are only about 88 or so as of this posting, it won't take TOO long. And you might get a chuckle out of them.
I hope you like the addition, and I hope you'll go back and check out my changes on my old posts. I'm still in the process of making most of them interesting, it'll probably take me a few days to finish them up. For some reason, several of my posts won't accept pic uploads.... kinda weird, still trying to figure that out.
Enjoy!
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Prefer Not To Say
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Posted:Aug 11, 2013 9:45 pm
Last Updated:Aug 18, 2013 5:51 pm
26229 Views
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I'm all for keeping your privacy protected to some extent on this website. Hey, I completely understand the need and the desire to keep your head down when it comes to the Internet... let's face it, if you put it on the Internet, it's going to show up somewhere other than where you originally put it. So keeping your personal details private is not only smart, it's prudent.
But this just makes me roll my eyes:
"Prefer Not To Say."
Why does this option even exist? I mean, come on... who do you think you're kidding?
Marital Status: Prefer Not To Say. You're married, and your spouse doesn't know. Even if it just means you don't want to make it known, you just told everyone that anyway. And if that's NOT the case, it's what everyone is going to think anyway.
Smoking/Drinking: Prefer Not To Say. Huh? Look, I don't even get this. It's legal, and it's a moot point. Okay, maybe some people don't like smokers or drinkers, but if that's the case, don't you think it's better to let people know ahead of time? Better ignored at the outset than shot down in person, I say.
Drugs: Prefer Not To Say. You smoke pot, we get it. What are you, 15 years old? Do you really think we can't read between the lines? Believe me, no one cares except your workplace, and if they're looking at your profile, I'm betting they're not going to want to advertise where they got the info. And see above for similar reasons.
Body Type: Prefer Not To Say. Be proud of your body! Look, whatever it is you're hiding, trust me... there's a portion of this community that thinks you're hot. You could be a multi-limbed space alien with six noses, and somebody on here is going to look at you and think, "Damn, that's hot!" Not putting anything here is going to immediately make everyone reading your profile to believe you're exactly what they DON'T like, whether it's true or not. Just put it out there, and let the dice fall.
Education/Occupation/Religion: Prefer Not To Say. Sigh... look, you're not here to meet Mr./Ms. Right. You're here to get laid. Outside of people knowing that you're not going to stick them with the check at dinner, is this even necessary information? And if you ARE here to meet Mr./Ms. Right, then don't you think posting this info would be in your best interests?
Have/Want : Prefer Not To Say. You just admitted to having a trailer-park full of snot-nosed that are looking for four or more missing baby-daddies. Undecided is a viable response here... hey, if you just don't know, that's fine. Prefer Not To Say means you're embarrassed of your family, you really don't want people to know you've made gigantic mistakes in the past, or any number of unpleasant things people can imagine up. Stop the imagination, and just come out with it.
Male Endowment/Bra Size: Prefer Not To Say. Pictures showing the truth aside, this is basically telling everyone that you're not proud of your body. If you have pics, then this is... well... excusable, although still silly. But if you're not showing, and you have this blank, you're shooting yourself in the foot. Guys, if you're small, just come out with it... many women really don't care, and those that do aren't going to sleep with you if you lie about it. Hell, a lot of women like 'em small, you're catering to them! Ladies, while it's true that many guys like big boobs (and I cannot lie!), just as many guys like small boobs, and quite a few like flat chests. As the song goes... "Show them to me!"
Hair Length/Eye Color/Language Spoken: Prefer Not To Say. Really? You're not even going to give us THAT much??? This says you're absolutely NOT to be trusted. You're keeping yourself so under wraps that you won't even give up this extremely basic information, then you have a lot of issues that only an idiot would tackle just to sleep with you. Pass.
And finally... those who haven't put a damn thing on their profiles, and the whole stupid thing is Prefer Not To Say. And they're posting and putting out emails and such, so it's not like they just haven't gotten around to it! This is the epitome of laziness, and just plain stupid. Who is going to hook up with you? They know absolutely NOTHING about you! Let's face it, those who will hook up with a blank profile... you don't want those people. Scary.
My point is... complete your profiles, people. You're only hurting your chances, you're not really fooling anyone, and the ones who ARE being fooled are going to end up walking out on you when they find out. It's just good policy.
So is honesty. In fact, that would be the best policy. Just sayin'.
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The One That Got Away... The Story of Jenny.
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Posted:Aug 10, 2013 10:07 pm
Last Updated:Aug 25, 2013 6:40 am
26714 Views
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I've been thinking a lot about Jenny lately.
I've mentioned Jenny once or twice on this blog before. Jenny is my One That Got Away. I've hesitated to write about her because she's one of the chinks in my armor. I met her sixteen years ago, and I still love her as much today as I did back then. I don't think I'll ever truly get over her. I think she's probably the only woman I've ever truly loved.
I first met Jenny at a Karaoke club on an Air Force base. She was a friend of a guy I knew from the dorms I lived in. It was one of those weird meetings where I only sorta knew the guy, but I was interested in trying Karaoke and he wanted to go, so he gathered up a bunch of his civilian friends to join us there. They were a good bunch of people, and I ended up making friends with every single one of them. I still Facebook with them often.
Jenny was one of those friends. She was, and still is, one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. Now, you all know that I tend to get tongue-tied around beautiful women, but for some reason, Jenny was ridiculously easy to talk to. Extremely personable, genuinely caring, almost perpetually in a good mood and tries to help you be the same way... Jenny was the anti-me at that time.
To clarify, I was dealing with my divorce, the separation from my , an entirely new place to live, the new addition to poverty-level conditions thanks to the debt my ex saddled me with, and a host of other negative things that all happened at once that year.
Jenny made all of it better. I'd be sad, and Jenny would help me feel better. I'd be angry, and Jenny would soothe me back to normal. I would be a complete mess, and she would joke and laugh and sing really badly at Karaoke, and everything would be better for a while. I was angry at all women and only wanted to use them up and throw them away because of the anger I felt at my ex and myself... and Jenny just let it bounce off of her. She knew I was hurting, and cared enough to try and help me. I acted like a shithead, and she would chastise me and tell me I was better than that.
She made me a better man. With her help, I moved past my divorce and dealt with the separation from my . She took a lonely guy and helped him make friends. For that alone, I loved her. But there was so much more to her.
She volunteered for charity work. She liked heavy metal and eighties music. She loved movies and movie quotes as much as I did, and that's saying something. She was a risk-taker and a free spirited woman who just wanted to love living her life. She was utterly compassionate to anyone who needed help, and she was honest to a fault. She didn't like her breasts because she felt they were too big... and while I thought they were just fine, I guess to women there WERE pretty darn big. Eventually, she got them reduced, and I was there when she woke up from the surgery. She was just as beautiful after as she was before.
We often walked in parks together and with our friends at night. We went everywhere together, and explored Northern California together. We introduced each other to our friends. Her favorite movies were Wayne's World and Princess Bride... I memorized both just so I could occasionally make her laugh with a well-timed quote. I can still quote both movies almost verbatim.
She loved to dance and went often to church dances. I joined her every chance I could, just to have the chance to dance with her. I would sing songs at Karaoke just for her, dedicate love songs to her, and kicked the shit out of a guy who tried to hit her because she wasn't interested in dating him. I told her every day that I loved her, and she told me that she loved me, too.
As a friend.
See, Jenny couldn't date me. She wasn't allowed to. Jenny is a Mormon, and I'm a Christian. Personally, I never saw what the big deal was, but apparently to a Mormon, that's a big deal. Mormon women can only date and marry Mormon men. Period. End of story. Christian guys are, apparently, not Christian enough to qualify for Mormon-Heaven. I wish I were kidding.
She tried so hard not to love me back. I know she did, though. We kissed several times, and I know all the devotion I showed to her made a definite impression. When I got sick, she would spend hours with me until I got better. During her surgery, I spent every moment in the waiting room until she got out, and though I couldn't stay the entire time because of work, I spent every free moment I could with her during her recovery. When I failed to resuscitate a dying after he got hit by a car, she curled up with me and held me close while I cried. When her parents started having marital problems, I was the one she confided her fears to.
I tried to convert to the Mormon faith for her. As far as I was concerned, Mormon was just another version of Christianity. It wasn't until later than I found out just how many fundamental differences there really are. But at the time, I didn't care. I was prepared to convert for her. When she found out that was my plan, however, she told me I shouldn't. She knew I didn't actually care about the Mormon beliefs and that I was only doing it for her. She told me she would never respect me if I converted just for her, that it would be a mockery of what she believed in. I would never do anything to hurt her. I didn't convert.
I thought for a while that I might convert HER to Christianity, instead. I couldn't do a hard sell, so I did it subtly. And it almost worked, until her church realized what was going on. Suddenly, they were putting her on blast, telling her not to be swayed by my "honeyed words and sinful ways." Heh heh... I'm sorry, but that was probably the funniest description I've ever heard about me. But regardless, it worked. Jenny refused to be turned from the Mormon faith.
For three years, I did everything I could think of to win her. I took her on romantic outings. I took her to every romantic setting I could find. Every Valentine's Day was Jenny's Day, because I spoiled her rotten... and she spoiled me right back. I KNOW she loved me as much as I loved her, and I also know it was killing her as much as it was killing me.
Then one day, Ethan came into her life. Ethan was one of those "good Mormon boys." He was impressive to her in all the ways "good Mormon boys" were supposed to be. I hated him on the spot. She was smitten. And when he didn't go away, I realized what I had to do... and it killed me.
Jenny loved me. I believe that, to this day, she still loves me as much as I love her. But she couldn't be true to herself by loving me, no matter how much I wanted it to be true. I could see her struggling, and struggling hard, with her torn loyalties. I loved her too much to watch her with Ethan... the pain was unbearable. She couldn't have me and Ethan. It wasn't fair to me. It wasn't fair to Ethan. It wasn't fair to her.
I let her go. I stepped out of her life so she and Ethan could have a life together. It was the worst thing I've ever deliberately done to myself.
I cried for two straight days. I grieved for a full year. My heart still aches. Even as I'm writing this, I can feel the tears coming and the pain in my gut. My cat obviously senses something because she won't move from my lap. The thought of the one woman I ever loved is currently sleeping in another man's arms, and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it, just crushes me.
It's pathetic, but I've kind of become a Facebook stalker of hers. I can't really talk with her without it bringing up all those old feelings, on both sides. The last thing I want is to interfere with her happiness. I'd rather die than cause her pain.
So I watch her on Facebook. I see her life with her . I see her posting pics of her and Ethan, or her and her , and commenting how much in love she is and how much she loves her . She tells everyone that she's happy. She likes inspirational memes. She likes playing Facebook games every now and then. Is it pathetic that I joined Candy Crush Saga just so I'd be on the same game as her? So I'd have some sort of connection to her?
I'm a fool. A complete and utter fool.
I know my Ms. Right is out there. I know there will never be another Jenny and that every woman is unique and wonderful in her own way. I know that someday I will be happy again like I was with Jenny. I know this. Do you know why I know this?
Because Jenny taught me that it was so. That even in the worst depths of despair, a ray of hope shines. That even when the world collapses, there's one person who props up the ground under your feet. That even when you hate yourself and refuse to believe that there could ever been any good in the world... there's still someone who will still love you and prove you wrong.
I miss her so much.
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I'll Have An Order Of Slump, With A Side Of Self-Pity, Please.
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Posted:Aug 4, 2013 1:23 pm
Last Updated:Aug 12, 2013 1:04 pm
19229 Views
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I think I've hit a slump. Everybody hits a slump once in a while. I hate them. I start second-guessing myself, and that's never a good thing.
Worse, I'm eating to make up for sex again, and damn it, I'm NOT going down that road again! It's getting hard to make it to the gym, though... In-Shape doesn't seem to be trying to stop the from screwing around in their pool, and it's hard to lap-swim when there are snotty little brats getting in the way. Why am I paying all this money every month again? SEND YOUR BRATS TO THE PUBLIC POOLS IF YOU DON'T HAVE ONE YOURSELF, ASSHOLE! IT'S A PRIVATE GYM, NOT A BOYS & GIRLS CLUB!!! Sigh...
Luck continues to elude me with the Verizon girl, since I don't seem to be showing up at the same time she's working. I've only been in there twice, and both times for legitimate reasons (my new Galaxy 4 seems to be having SD card issues), so it's not stalking... despite the hope I might be able to ask her out happening to coincide with the need to fix my phone. But I'm out of legitimate reasons to go in the store outside of browsing, and let's face it... their selection isn't worth browsing, and at this point I think I'd be graduating from "hoping to ask her out" to "stalking her to ask her out." I think I may have to call that one a lost cause, barring fate or luck intervening. Such is my life.
Although I wasn't at my annual training with the intention of hooking up, I certainly didn't get any ego boosts while I was there, either. The women in my unit are either too young for me (or I'm too old for them; either way you look at it they aren't interested), they're already married/engaged, or they just have no interest in me. I actually had one woman, when I teasingly suggested that I had a decent body, tell me directly that I didn't, and in fact she wasn't impressed at all. Harsh. And I wasn't even hitting on her, either... the topic came up, and I was making a smart-ass remark to the world at large. Great way to kick a guy in the nuts.
And still no nibbles here on A.F.F., in spite of the many personal emails I'm sending out. I'm beginning to see why so many guys here just shotgun out copy/paste messages to just any and every woman within a hundred miles of them. All the effort I put into my email doesn't really get any results. Oh, I get some responses, but they're always along the lines of "Nice email. Thank you." and no actual hooks. Follow-up emails almost always get ignored.
The lovely lady I met on here a few weeks ago has gotten pretty busy with real life issues, so there's been no follow-up from the original meet-and-greet... I'm hoping her schedule clears up soon, she's a real peach. But until then, it's looking a little lonely for the Lion on that front.
Real life dating seems to have stopped cold, too. For the first time in years, I have the money to actually consistently date, and the well has dried up. I haven't changed as far as I can tell, except maybe to improve my circumstances... not sure where I'm going wrong.
Even internet dating on the other websites seems to have stopped cold, as well. I can usually at least get some responses and a first date or two every week or so... but no nibbles for weeks now.
And worst of all... my good friend superbj55 tells me I missed the Pacific North-West Blogger Bash in Seattle! Damn it! I didn't even realize it was coming up! I couldn't have made it anyway, since it coincided with my National Guard annual training, but... damn it! I wonder when the next one will be? Someone keep me in the loop!
Yeah, living the lonely life for Lions lately. Hey, I made an alliteration! At least I have my cat to keep me company.
Okay, I need to get out of this slump, and I definitely don't need to be wallowing in self-pity. What to do.... what to do...
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Three Weeks of Sweating, Moaning, and Hot Bodies
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Posted:Jul 19, 2013 6:15 pm
Last Updated:Aug 12, 2013 1:08 pm
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Yes... it's that time of the year again. My National Guard unit is having their annual two weeks of drilling in the summer, this time at San Luis Obispo. My particular time is longer, because I need to stay an extra week for something called ASIST training, which is basically suicide prevention training... my unit wants me to be the new point of contact for the battalion.
So, in essence, I get to be the guy who gets called in the middle of the night by weeping soldiers who are about to commit suicide, and it's my job to get them help. Scary, huh?
I'm going to be mostly out of contact for the entire three weeks, though, so I'm afraid the blog will be pretty quiet during that time. And I'm sorry, but all of you ladies who were lined up outside my door begging me to fuck their brains out, I'm afraid you're just going to have to wait... Uncle Sam calls, and I must answer.
Yeah, 'cause that happens all the time...
What it amounts to, for me anyway, is three weeks of classes, training, and WAY too much sun. Occasionally fun, mostly boring. Semi-decent food, morning exercise (groan), and work days that generally start at 5:30am and don't end until sometime around 8pm or so. All with no transporation, and very little to do on base. Sigh...
Well, it's part of the job, I guess. At least it's good pay, compared to what I get with my other job. My cat is going to be pissed that I'll be gone so long... I'm pretty much expecting my bed to be soaked with cat urine by the time I get back. Double sigh...
I'm going to try and bring my laptop, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to. I'd like to work on the fetish story I've been commissioned to do while I'm there on my off time. It'll give me something to do. There's no Internet out there, but I have several movies and shows downloaded on there, so... let's hope I can bring it along.
Anyway, I didn't really have anything special to write about today. I just thought I'd let you know what's going on, and where I'll be the next few weeks. Hopefully, by the time I get back, my mailbox will be full of message from lovely ladies all wishing to meet me.
Something tells me... probably not.
Man, I'm bummed out today. See you all in three weeks, Blogland.
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The Cold Approach: How Do You Ask Someone Out That You've Never Met?
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Posted:Jul 18, 2013 4:05 pm
Last Updated:Aug 25, 2013 6:40 am
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Ladies, you're about to get an insider's look at what goes through a man's mind when he wants to ask a beautiful woman out on a date. Or at least... my mind. Though I'm pretty sure every guy has these thoughts going through in some manner in situations like this.
Okay, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls... here's the challenge:
I'm needing to upgrade my poor, beat-up Thunderbolt phone to the new Galaxy 4, so I'm heading to my Verizon store tomorrow after I get paid. There's a very pretty lady who works there. I'm fairly certain she will be working tomorrow.
I want to ask her out. I need your advice.
The Obstacles:
I don't have an easy opening. The woman that I made contact with to get my Galaxy 4 is not the same woman that I have my eye on. I spoke with a very nice saleswoman there today, and she's the one I'm conducting business with tomorrow. Somehow, I need to transition my way from the saleswoman I'm working with to this lovely lady I want to ask out.
She is WAY out of my league. She is probably the most beautiful woman I've ever met in person. My regular readers will probably remember that I tend to get a little tongue-tied around beautiful women, or worse... I say the wrong things. I'm getting a lot better about it, though. I guess practice makes perfect.
She will be at work. That's never a good place to ask a woman out. Her mind is on her job, and she probably gets hit on a lot when she's there, so she's already in that "Not Interested In Being Hit On" mode. She's in sales, so she's used to being flirtatious without going so far as to actually hit on a guy, but that also means she's prepared to let him down easy when he asks her out, likely with an already prepared excuse. Walking into a store and asking a woman who works there out on a date is practically asking to be turned down... at the very least, it's a tough sell.
I don't know her relationship status. I didn't see a ring, but that doesn't mean anything. Saleswomen often take off their wedding or engagement rings at work to increase their sales with men, and boyfriends don't require rings. Without knowing ahead of time, I could get shot down at the outset, but that's part of the risk of asking someone out on a date. My concern is that since I don't know for sure, she could make up a boyfriend just because she's at work and doesn't want to deal with it.
I don't know anything about her except her job, and she knows nothing about me. In my experience, this is a big obstacle. People tend to not want to go out on dates with people they know nothing about. But then, I'm just trying to ask her out on a date, not marry her on the spot. So... maybe this isn't such an obstacle.
And finally... as per usual every time I encounter a woman that turns my head and just knocks me out... starting Saturday, I'm going to be in San Luis Obispo for three weeks. Meeting someone and then disappearing for three weeks is just plain crass, stupid, and the formula for failure.
What I Have Going For Me:
I'm a nice guy. When people get to know me, they discover I'm an honest, upfront man who treats them with respect and decency. At the same time, I'm more than capable of handling whatever trials come my way. Bring 'em on. So I can go either way on approaching her, either solid and tough, friendly and charming, or sweet and caring. I'm all three. The question is... which will she respond to?
I'm decently good-looking. I'm not going to be winning any Sexiest Man Alive contests, but neither am I a troll residing under a bridge. Mental note to ensure fresh breath and deodorant when I'm at the Verizon store.
I have a job. Two, in fact. I'm a soldier, which many find attractive (then again, which many find repulsive, too). I may not be rich, but I get by. The whole "living with parents" thing... an ongoing factor, nothing can be done about it except try to put a positive spin on it.
I CAN be charming. I really don't know how good I am at it, since it's not like women tell me, "Oh Lion, you're so charming!" But I have been known to possess charisma at times.
The Approach: Here's where I need help.
I'm thinking that for tomorrow, all I should do is lay groundwork. Be friendly, be approachable, maybe flirt a little if given the option. Don't actually ask her out, but maybe attempt to see just how available she is. Since I have to leave for three weeks soon, actually making a move might be the wrong move to make.
I'm also thinking that when I get back, my new phone may have to suffer some sort of "accident"... or at least, I may need help learning how to use some of the features on it.
I'm thinking I may need to do a long play here. Not a stupidly long play, but obviously I can't start something and disappear for three weeks. But maybe if I just make a good impression, be a nice guy, just be me... it will lay the ground work for when I can actually make a move. And speaking of the move...
The Move:
Okay, I have to admit... I've never really had a "move". I usually just talk and hope everything turns out the way I want it to. As you can imagine, this doesn't have a very high success rate. So I've been thinking it over, and I think I have a move that fits me and will work.
When I get back from my three-week military thing, I buy some flowers, a nice bouquet of something pretty, preferably in a vase. I walk into the Verizon store, looking around like I need assistance. When I'm approached by someone, I say something along the lines of, "Hi. I'm here to give these flowers to someone. I'm supposed to be a little coy about this, so... is there a lady here who has a boyfriend or husband in their life?"
This last part would be said somewhat loudly and with a big smile, and hopefully within earshot of the lady in question. Naturally, this will attract attention, as most people will assume that I'm a flower delivery guy or something. This will also get every woman in the store (it's a small store) to come out to see who gets the flowers... after all, it might be her! I'll have to dodge the inevitable questions that will come my way until I'm ready.
Now, this will have one of three outcomes, barring being thrown out of the store outright (low probability):
1. The woman I'm interested in comes out and says, "Yes, I have a boyfriend/husband/fiance." This has answered my question, and the move stops there. Game Over... FAILURE.
2. The woman I'm interested in doesn't perk up, possibly with other women also staying quiet, in which case I direct the question to her personally: "Do you have a significant other in your life?" Possible outcomes:
2a. Yes. See Outcome 1.
2b. Yes, but she's a girl. See Outcome 1.
2c. No. Progress to the next stage.
3. She doesn't come out. This will require some finesse. I'll have to mention that I don't see the woman I'm supposed to give these flowers to, and someone will have to go get her. Once she comes out, ask the question again... producing either Outcome 1 or 2c.
So, assuming this move is still on, I continue. She has been asked if she has a guy in her life, she has indicated no.
"Could you tell me your name, please?" Most people won't have a problem telling me their name, and again... it seems perfectly normal for a delivery guy to ask. She tells me her name. For this example, let's call her Nancy.
"Well, Nancy... these flowers are for you. They're from me. I was hoping they might convince you to give me your phone number so I can ask you out to dinner sometime."
It's bold. It's daring. It's romantic as hell. It's totally something I would do. And even if "Nancy" says she has a boyfriend or something, if there's another woman in the store who says she doesn't have a significant other in her life, I can easily switch the move to her.
If it turns out every woman in the store has a guy/girl in her life, even that's okay. I announce that these flowers are for every lady in the store, just to make their day a little brighter, and I hand them over with a smile. I tried, I failed. Such is life.
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So... what are your thoughts? Would this work on you? Do you see something I'm missing? Am I going about this wrong? Should I say something specific that has worked for you or on you in the past?
The cold approach is the hardest way to hit on someone, and yet here I am, making the attempt on probably the most attractive woman I've ever met. Any advice would be appreciated.
"Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy..."
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Did You Know Lions Wrote Porn?
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Posted:Jul 17, 2013 11:03 pm
Last Updated:Aug 12, 2013 1:10 pm
19056 Views
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It's true. In the thirty or so years I've been writing, there has been the occasional time I've written porn. In fact, back when I was young and struggling for money (as opposed to older and struggling for money), I was somewhat active on a couple of websites that catered to certain fetishes. Yes, you read that right... I wrote fetish porn.
Not your typical fetish porn, either. I mean, I wrote normal pornographic short stories, of course... those sell the easiest and the best. But actually, the stories that I'm most known for, and still occasionally get requests to do, are the stories I write for a type of fetish called "inflation fetish".
No, it's not getting hot over the rise of prices in our economy.
Inflation fetish is getting a sexual thrill out of seeing things inflate. The most commonly known inflation fetish is balloons. A less common but still prevalent form is bubble gum bubbles and soap bubbles. Then there's pool toys, sports balls, beach balls, inflatable rafts, water balloons, hot water bottles, and various other objects that can be inflated either by mouth or by air pump, or perhaps water hose.
Finally, there's the various forms of body inflation. This form is almost entirely fantasy-based, generally depicted in 3-D artwork, comics, television, cartoons, sketches, and a number of other media including... you guessed it... the written word. There are also actors and actresses that wear inflatable outfits that cater to this fetish, as well.
What is body inflation, you say? You've most likely already seen it many times before. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory has an inflating girl who turns into a blueberry, Who Framed Roger Rabbit had a vacuum inflating a cartoon bunny, a sitcom will have a dream sequence where a woman's breasts will inflate and get bigger, or her butt will get larger, or whatever. The basic gist is that a body part or the entire body will swell up and inflate.
Now, people love to judge others based on their fetishes. Hell, I've had people look at me weird for saying that I think a woman's hair is as sexy as her breasts. And to some extent, I can understand the whole "boobs getting bigger" thing... hell, I'm a guy. I can even relate to how balloons and bubbles can turn you on a little, if you think about it. So if you're currently thinking, "Oh wow... people actually think that stuff is SEXY????", bear in mind that many of you think being whipped and chained down is sexy, some think being pissed and pooped on is sexy, some think dressing as a baby and acting like one is sexy, that being in full rubber suits and leather masks that cover the face with spikes and buckles is sexy...
You get my point. Seeing things inflate is pretty harmless in the "fetish" category of sex. And the cool thing about it is that anyone can do things like blow up balloons and blow bubbles, and it's instant foreplay. It's a terrific way to tease them in public, too.
Why am I writing this tonight? Well, because for the first time in a few years, I've taken on another writing project for the inflation fetish community again. A fan of mine wrote and asked if I could do a sequel to a story I wrote years ago and is offering to pay me quite well for it. And I thought... why not? I have the skills to pay the bills, and I have bills that need paying!
I know some of you on here indulge in the occasional porn writing, and some of you actually get into the fetish side of it. I know Buxie enjoys writing the occasional fetish porn about being controlled in the dom/sub world of sex. Do any of you write porn, too? What kind? Was it just for you, or did you share it? Have anyone you attempted to get paid for it? Hell, are any of you professional writers, and you're keeping it on the down-low so your fans don't find out you're a secret pervert???
Fifty Shade of Grey? HAH! Try Fifty Shades of Awesome!
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The Tease: Works for Bar Scenes, Sucks on the Internet
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Posted:Jul 15, 2013 9:50 pm
Last Updated:Aug 18, 2013 5:48 pm
25330 Views
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Well, the whole "let's do something different" thing obviously sucked. So, looks like I'm back to talking about sex again. People prefer sex on a sex site. Who knew?
I'd like to talk about teases. You know, that man or woman that super-flirts with everyone, puts out the vibe that they're definitely going to sleep with you or end up being your special someone or whatever, and keeps you hung out on a string for as long as they can with no intention of ever fulfilling your hopes... all because they get a thrill out of being adored and having attention paid to them by everyone.
Now, I have nothing against flirting. Hell, I'm a flirt. But at least I have the common decency of following through with my flirting; or if I've accidentally attracted the attention of someone I'm not interested in, I'll be kind and be up front about it, and stop flirting with that person. I like the attention, but I know personally how hurtful it is when you get tricked into thinking someone likes you just before they yank the carpet out from under you. Dangling on a string sucks ass.
Now, teasing DOES have its place. There are places like bars and clubs and other singles hangouts where being a tease is not only expected, it's welcomed. Maybe not everyone likes it, and a lot of people don't recognize it for what it is, but if you watch for it you can always spot the guy or girl who's just looking for attention. And everyone loves the attention of a pretty girl/handsome guy, depending on your tastes.
But people, I think you need to wake up to something. Teasing on the Internet does not work. In fact, it's probably creating a LOT more problems than you'd expect.
Everyone on here flirts like mad. Hell, we're trying to get laid, of COURSE we're flirting like mad! And if you're thinking that this guy/girl you're talking to is pretty cool, then follow through and see the interaction to its end... whether it's "Sure, I'm game!" to "No thank you". Fuck and flirt to your hearts' content.
But...
Don't just send a reply to an email sounding like your interested and then never reply again. Even if you've changed your mind, you could at least have the decency to end what you've started. And yes, you started it. People send dozens upon dozens of messages to each other on here and never expect a reply (or at least the ones with any amount of experience and maturity do).
The second you actually reply with a positive confirmation that you think that person is worth chatting with or whatnot... it has officially become something YOU started. 'No reply' is a no. A 'polite negative' is a no. A 'flirty reply' is a "Yes, let's see where this goes." Thinking that you're going to tease the person this way with no intention of following through just so you can get your rocks off sucks. It sends the absolute wrong message, and that's exactly why there are so many stalkers on here.
Concerning chatrooms... again, flirting is a given. We all want that attention, we all want that certain someone to get into bed with. Flirting on an open chatroom is fine, and people should recognize that just because someone says "I'm giving everyone in this room a blowjob!" that doesn't mean you're in like Flynn.
But...
Saying you want to do a private chat and not following through sucks. Starting a private chat and then hardly saying a word because you have a dozen other private chats on at the same time, or because your life is so busy that you can't type more than two words every ten minutes sucks. If you're that busy, you shouldn't be private chatting anyway, and if you're THAT desperate for attention... honestly, you need professional help, and I'm not being s smartass, I'm being serious.
So what is the proper protocol for this sort of thing and stay at the flirting level and not be a tease? Well, it's simple: follow through, or shut it down. If the prospective person seems cool at first, but you lose interest, be polite and tell them something like "Well, it was fun, but I don't think we're compatible. Thanks anyway!" or something to that effect. I know it's not fun shutting people down, but you started it... you finish it. Just because you don't feel like disappointing him/her doesn't mean he/she isn't disappointed anyway, and dangling them on a string for days and weeks on end making them think they have a shot sucks. Not to mention makes you a cowardly bitch.
Or, you could be cool about it like I am. I'll be honest, on another dating site I frequent, I've accidentally attracted a few women that I really wasn't that attracted to. But at the same time, I've come to realize that just because someone doesn't seem very interesting on the Internet doesn't mean they aren't interesting in real life. I will usually follow through and go do a meet-and-greet. I've been pleasantly surprised before.
That's another thing... sounding amazing on the Internet is not the same as amazing in real life. Sounding stupid on the Internet is not the same as stupid in real life. If you haven't figured it out already, the Internet lies. A lot.
Take me, for example. I can write up a storm. One would think that I'm just as eloquent in real life. Well, sort of. I tend to stumble over my words sometimes because my brain works faster than my mouth, I often say things that are funny to me but many people think are inappropriate, and I stink at starting conversations... I can jump into one once it's begun and hold my own very well, but starting them? Forget it. My brain goes blank. That clears up once I get to know the person, but until I know them better... empty space. I'm not shy or introverted or a jackass, but I am a little socially inept at first.
That's actually pretty common. People who are only so-so on the Internet are usually brilliant in real life, and people who are brilliant on the Internet are usually so-so. Good God, did I actually just write that? Why don't I just shoot myself in the foot? Sigh... no wonder I can't get laid. 
So... am I full of shit? Or am I on the money? As usual, the lines are open.
By the way, jackass on the Internet usually still means jackass. You can ignore them. Don't feed the trolls!
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Metaphors of a Second-Hand Lion: The Legend of Michael Jackson
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Posted:Jul 12, 2013 9:13 pm
Last Updated:Aug 18, 2013 5:47 pm
25532 Views
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The Legend of Michael Jackson
In the days of rock and roll, legends walked the earth. The stars formed from music and dance, and the greatest men and women to grace the stage were born, struggling their way through the muck and mire of preconception and tradition. It was a time of change and upheaval; the gods of rock stood side-by-side with the gods of soul to create the new sound called pop music. It is into this time that the greatest legend of pop music was born. The eighth of ten, this man began his journey side by side with his brothers and sisters. It did not take long, however, for him to step forth on his own to claim his destiny. Thus began the legend of Michael Jackson.
With feet flashing and limber moves that astounded all that beheld this hero, Michael Jackson was a powerhouse of song and rhythm. His music captivated all who heard it, and his dancing was so profound and enticing that all who viewed his performances became hypnotized by his amazing skill and musical prowess. He carried two magical artifacts of incredible power. Upon his head rested the Fedora of Wonder that he would fling into the air with panache and style, causing everyone nearby to begin dancing along with this pop legend. Adorning a single hand was the Sparkling Glove, which when combined with Michael Jackson’s dancing and singing would pour powerful beams of light into his enemies, causing them to change drastically and turn them into allies. His feet were imbued with the power of rhythm; capable of performing magical dances that captured the hearts and minds of all who performed them, and investing all who watched with the need to join his dance. The combination of these powers granted Michael Jackson with enough influence and charisma to earn him the title of King of Pop. He went forth to spread the good influence of pop music and positivity throughout the world.
But his rise to power would not go uncontested, for there were dark powers and evil creatures that loathed and envied pop music. Led by The Supreme Leader, a horrible monster that hated pop music and dance, these dark powers sent forth a terrible army of powerful alien creatures to destroy the Earth and enslave its people with a different form of music known as Heavy Metal, a rhythm of negativity and harm. This Heavy Metal army conquered many realms, and sent out a challenge to Michael Jackson to meet them on a field of battle to determine which brand of music would reign. Without hesitation, Michael Jackson donned his magical artifacts and went to war.
Knowing he would need an army to fight the Heavy Metal aliens, but unwilling to harm those whom he defended, Michael Jackson took on the military title of Captain EO and strode into the graveyards. Calling upon his supreme rhythmic powers, he performed a powerful dance called The Thriller, animating the dead from their graves and creating an army of dancing zombies. Upon the fields of Neverland, the aliens met the zombies in battle, and the Supreme Leader struck down many zombie dancers in his fury. But Michael Jackson used his Sparkling Glove and transformed dozens of aliens into beautiful creatures of goodness and light, adding them to his army of dancing zombies. Furious, the Supreme Leader lashed out with tentacles and mighty whips made of dark energy, flailing at Michael Jackson. The King of Pop quickly used his mighty dance moves, performing a dance known as The Moonwalk, and smoothly retreated away from the vicious blows.
Unable to harm Michael Jackson, the Supreme Leader smashed his musical instruments against the ground and flung the pieces into the crowds of aliens, magically empowering them. The zombies lost ground, and the battle seemed lost. Michael Jackson challenged the Supreme Leader to a one-on-one battle of music, hoping to end the fight. The Supreme Leader accepted, and his screaming instruments of death blasted the area with deafening music, so loud no mortal could understand the lyrics being sung. Realizing his singing was being drowned out, Michael flung his Fedora of Wonder at the Supreme Leader, causing the guitar-wailing creature to join in with Michael’s dance. Unable to play his music and dance at the same time, the Supreme Leader conceded defeat.
Peace was achieved in the music world, and everyone was happy. Michael Jackson ruled as the King of Pop, and the rhythmic balance was restored. Over the many years of his reign, his rule was challenged by many genres of music, and many more genres were created from Michael’s special brand of song and dance. But no one ever took his crown, and Michael Jackson continued to be the greatest musical entertainer of all time until the end of his days.
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I wrote this story in an attempt to create a modern legend based on the Greek and Roman mythological genre. The funny thing is... I actually like heavy metal, too.
Oh yes, it's Thriller! Thriller night...
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Metaphors of a Second-Hand Lion: On Writing
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Posted:Jul 12, 2013 4:36 pm
Last Updated:Aug 18, 2013 5:46 pm
25348 Views
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Specifically, on writing short stories. I don't need to tell you about blogging, I'm sure most of you get the gist of that.
Anyone can write a short story, but much like singing karaoke in a bar, it takes a lot of practice to actually entertain the masses.
When singing karaoke, a beginning singer simply reads the words on a screen and attempts to match the words to the tune, and most of the time will get them wrong and be badly out of tune while doing so. Writing short stories is the same in the beginning: the writer does not have much in the way of original material, his writing skills are atrocious, and he will be lucky if his friends and family think his work is good, much less anyone else.
The one thing that separates a regular karaoke singer or writer from a great one, however, is a love for what you are doing. Just like a writer of short stories, the singer practices certain songs over and over again, honing those songs and adjusting certain pitches to match the singer’s style. The writer will get a feel for a particular genre and style of writing, and begin to get more and more comfortable with words and dialogue and description.
Soon, that practice begins paying off. The karaoke singer, now with a solid group of songs under his belt, begins to add movements, gestures, maybe even embellish a few comments into his routine. He experiments with new songs and adds those to his repertoire, focuses on perfecting his singing as a whole, and his confidence in pleasing an audience becomes much more profound.
The writer, having completed several stories and beginning to receive accolades for one or two of them, expands his writing to original ideas, attempts to find paying work for his writing, and even considers attempting a full-length novel. Eventual success will vary, but the writer and singer will find their artistic style in the course of their lives simply because they refuse to give up on it and truly love what they do.
Hmmm... I just realized that if you combine the two, you might become a song writer. And now, I will put a song in your head that you won't be able to get out for at least five minutes:
I write the songs that make the whoooole world sing!
I write the songs of love and special things!
I write the songs that make the cry...
I write the songs.
I write the songs.
Try to stop singing that in your head. Go on. I dare you.
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