The Tattoo
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Posted:May 5, 2011 2:31 pm
Last Updated:May 5, 2011 10:32 pm
5417 Views
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THE TATTOO
There once was a couple of newlyweds named John and Wendy. John told his wife Wendy that he wanted a tattoo! Wendy agreed and said that would be ok. John did not know what the tattoo should say or where he would put it. So Wendy said, "Well, if you REALLY loved me, you would get my name tattooed on your pecker."
John couldn't back out on that one, so he went to the tattoo parlor. The tattoo artist told him that he needed to have an erection while he put it on. After an hour of excruciating pain, the tattoo was done.
As John was on his way home from the tattoo parlor he saw a rest stop and decided he needed to stop and take a leak. He went to the restroom and looked down to admire his tattoo and he noticed, that when he was not erect, the only letters that were visible, were the W and the Y.
Suddenly, a big black gentleman steps into the urinal beside John and John accidentally looked down at the guy and could not help but notice that he ALSO had the letters W and Y tattooed.
So John said "Hey, I guess you have a girlfriend or wife named Wendy too."
The guys looked confused and said, "What makes you think that?"
John replied "Well I noticed the W and the Y tattoo -- so you don't have a girlfriend named Wendy?"
The black guys laughed and responded, "No mon, that tattoo says, "Welcome to Jamaica! Have a nice day."
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Good Girls VS Bad Girls
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Posted:May 5, 2011 2:29 pm
Last Updated:May 23, 2024 6:45 pm
5578 Views
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GOOD GIRLS VS. BAD GIRLS
Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie. Bad girls know they could do it better.
Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot. Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.
Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.
Good girls pack their toothbrush. Bad girls pack their diaphragms.
Good girls prefer the missionary position. Bad girls do too, but only for starters.
Good girls say, "No." Bad girls say, "When?"
Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls. Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls.
Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines.
Good girls wear high heels to work. Bad girls wear high heels to bed.
Good girls go to heaven. But bad girls go everywhere.
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Make love to me.
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Posted:May 5, 2011 10:56 am
Last Updated:May 17, 2011 11:12 pm
6058 Views
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Make love to me nice and slow.
Make me pour out to you all my heart and soul.
Make love to me,make it sensually last.
We got all night so don't go to fast.
Make love to me, stoke my body with your finger's,
go up and down.
We don't need no music.
Our moaning will be the sound.
Make love to me,
make my body tremble from head to toe.
Tomorrow my family and friend's will see me glow.
Make love to me, make me feel that burning fire.
And you shall become my forever one true desire.
Make love to me without making me feel insecure and used
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With you i don't wanna feel emotionally confused.
Make love to me, and after we're done,
lay down close to me, hold me tight.
It's OK you can spend the night.
Author unknown.
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The Gospel Tree
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Posted:Dec 23, 2010 10:41 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2011 1:14 pm
6625 Views
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There once was a shining Christmas tree
Standing out where all could see.
Its brilliance captured every eye
And seemed to cheer each passer by.
"The lights are so bright," they would say
And hesitate to walk away.
The tree stood proud ablaze with light
For every light was burning bright.
Then one bulb was heard to say
"I’m tired of burning night and day;
I think I’ll just go out and take a rest
For I’m too tired to do my best;
Besides I am so very small
I doubt if I’d be missed at all."
Then a lovingly touched the light,
"Look, mother, this one shines so very bright.
I think of all the lights upon the tree
This one looks the best to me."
"Oh my goodness," said the light
"I almost dimmed right out of sight.
I thought perhaps no one would care
If I failed to shine my share."
With that a glorious brilliance came
For every light had felt the same.
Our Gospel, like this Christmas tree,
With little lights which are you and me,
We each have a space that we must fill
With love, and lessons and good will.
Let’s keep our tree ablaze with light,
With testimonies burning bright.
For our Gospel is a living tree
That lights the way to eternity.
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Gift of Wonder
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Posted:Dec 9, 2010 10:42 am
Last Updated:Dec 12, 2010 4:15 pm
6267 Views
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"Each year, God asks us to shed one more coat of awareness, one more dream state and come alive to the vision of God’s plan for each of us and the world-at-large.
"The older we get, the harder this is to do. As we had a sense of wonder. Our eyes were wide open and drinking in the fascinating gifts we beheld…Our thirsty souls could not have enough of the wonders of creation.
"Then, somehow, we grew too old to dream. We tired of the abundance of the world, or at least grew weary of keeping up with the feast of life, and stepped away from the banquet of life.
"The natural gift of wonder God gave us as was meant to be kept alive.…Instead we let wonder go to sleep. We entered the typical dream state of most humans.
"Why else does Jesus tell us today, ‘Stay awake!’…Advent says, ‘Wake up and realize the gifts of love you have received.’
"…Psychology says, ‘Let go.’ Spirituality says, ‘Wake up.’ In both cases there is a withdrawal from the busyness of daily life (our dream state) and a waking up to the subconscious and spiritual depths of ourselves."
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The Advent Virus
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Posted:Dec 8, 2010 11:09 am
Last Updated:Dec 18, 2010 4:11 pm
6944 Views
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WARNING……WARNING: ADVENT VIRUS
Be on the alert for symptoms of inner Hope, Peace, Joy and Love. The hearts of a great many have already been exposed to this virus and it is possible that people everywhere could come down with it in epidemic proportions. This could pose a serious threat to what has, up to now, been a fairly stable condition of conflict in the world.
Some signs and symptoms of The Advent Virus:
* A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences.
* An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.
* A loss of interest in judging other people.
* A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.
* A loss of interest in conflict.
* A loss of the ability to worry. (This is a very serious symptom.)
* Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation.
* Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature.
* Frequent attacks of smiling.
* An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.
* An increased susceptibility to the love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it.
Please send this warning out to all your friends. This virus can and has affected many systems. Some systems have been completely cleaned out because of it.
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Take Time to be Aware
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Posted:Dec 8, 2010 10:54 am
Last Updated:Dec 9, 2010 10:23 am
6259 Views
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"Take time to be aware that in the very midst of our busy preparations for the celebration of Christ’s birth in ancient Bethlehem, Christ is reborn in the Bethlehem of our homes and daily lives. Take time, slow down, be still, be awake to the Divine Mystery that looks so common and so ordinary yet is wondrously present.
"An old abbot was fond of saying, ‘The devil is always the most active on the highest feast days.’
"The supreme trick of Old Satan is to have us so busy decorating, preparing food, practicing music and cleaning in preparation for the feast of Christmas that we actually miss the coming of Christ. Hurt feelings, anger, impatience, injured egos—the list of clouds that busyness creates to blind us to the birth can be long, but it is familiar to us all."
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A rare experience
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Posted:Aug 5, 2010 12:36 pm
Last Updated:Sep 7, 2010 5:30 pm
8728 Views
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On August 4, 2010 I experienced something that really has no explanation but really happened and if my 18 year old had not been with me I would have thought I was losing my mind.
My husband and I have some good friends (Bob and Marty-names are not real)who moved away just about a year ago to another state, we kept in contact for a while and then as life would have it, we just quit writing. But then the most horrible thing happened, Bob died without warning. Something in his heart ruptured and he was dead before he hit the floor. Marty had been standing there talking to him one moment and the next she was trying to revive him without success.
Before they had moved back east they had bought burial plots in this area and all ready had a headstone, so after the service Bob ashes were sent here to be laid to rest. I did not know this and for what ever reason Marty did not tell anyone.
We we reconnected on a chat server and Marty and I began talking and this is when she told me that Bob was here and not back there with her. She had voiced the concern that his birthday was on the 4th of August but she was not or could not afford to have flowers sent to him. When she told me this I quickly told her that I would be honored to take him some flowers for his birthday and then she quickly asked me if I could take some pictures and send them to her. She had never even seen the place as to where he is buried and where she will join him someday. So I said yes.
I had no idea that this cemetery even existed but with some good directions we were able to find it. We got there about 2:30 in the after noon and this cemetery is nestled up on-top of a mountain and is very secluded. No one near by or anything. Marty had told me he was in section F but there were no section signs and so we began to just walk row to row looking for him. After about 30 or so minutes in the hot heat, we were both sweating and ready to give up. We had walked through 2 large areas without much luck and I was almost ready to give up. I said something to the extent "Oh God, we are never going to find him on our own." I told my that we would have to go back to the car and call someone and see if they could find out where he was.
We started to walk back to the car and we were talking to one another and the entire time I could see my car and there was no one around it. I turned to her and said that this cemetery was different than most. It was not maintained like so many others were, but it was tranquil and peaceful. She said it was a nice place. Then I stopped to pickup a small plastic that had been knocked off of someone head stone and I replaced it.
When I stood up, there was an old beat up blue pickup in front of my car. This truck had to be an early model ford that was old and missing paint. There was an old woman sitting in the front seat and she asked me if I was looking for anyone in particular. I said yes and she got out of her truck and took a few steps towards me and my . I gave her Bobs name and she put her hand up to her mouth and said his name several times to me as if knew him. Then she said wait, I know where he is, I was given a message that someone was coming out today to bring him flowers. Follow me and I will take you to him.
She got back into her truck and drove down the road and my and I followed in my car. She pulled off to the right of the road and I pulled off on the left side. She got out of her truck and this is when I noticed just how old she was, she was pale in color, but yet she was talking to us like she was a young woman. She pointed over to his grave and said, "See I marked it because I knew you were coming today." There were 2 small orange like flags on either side if the headstone. I thanked her and took my eyes off of this old woman for a split second, when I turned around she and her truck were gone. No sound, nothing.....she had left as fast as she came.
My and I both stood there and looked at each other. I said "Where did she go?" My looked at me and her eyes were big and I could see she was scared. I quickly assured her that if this old woman was wanting to hurt us she would have done so all ready.
We quickly got the flowers out of the car and placed them and the balloon on his grave and took a few pictures for my friend and then we left. We were both a bit on the edgy side and wanted to leave.
I got back home and I called Marty and asked her if she had made arrangements for us to go out there, and she had told me no, she was not aware that she needed to do that. I then told her what had happened and she did not believe me at first. Now I cannot explain what I saw and heard and neither can my but something sure did happen out there because this morning as I was downloading the pictures on my computer, I came across this one and was shocked beyond belief. There is his grave, but no orange flags, my flowers and balloon, but there are hearts all over and what appears to be a figure up in the left hand corner. I am not sure what the hell I and my experienced but it makes one think just a bit about the hereafter. Maybe it was the sun reflecting off of the camera lens or something.
Now here is a question for you all, should I send her this picture or just delete it?
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Sorry I have not been around very much
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Posted:Aug 1, 2010 5:15 pm
Last Updated:Aug 25, 2010 6:32 pm
8078 Views
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To all my friends out there, I am sorry that I have not been around much nor writing much. My life has become a bit on the crazy side and I am hoping that this wild ride will quit soon.
I am facing what could be a major medical issue here, I have a rather large tumor that needs to be removed, but being a lucky American, I like so many have no insurance.
Hey but I will be here, just need to regroup with my body and brain.
Take care and have a happy and safe summer.
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I Am AN AMERICAN.........AND PROUD OF IT TOO.
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Posted:Jul 1, 2010 3:22 pm
Last Updated:Jul 1, 2011 6:47 pm
8396 Views
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I Am An American
I AM AN AMERICAN...listen to my words. Listen well, for my country
is a strong country, and my message is a strong message.
I AM AN AMERICAN...and I speak for democracy and the dignity of the
individual.
I AM AN AMERICAN...and my ancestors have given their blood for freedom:
On the green of Lexington and the snow at Valley Forge,
On the walls of Fort Sumter and the fields at Gettysburg,
On the waters of the Marne and in the shadows of the Argonne,
On the beachheads of Salerno and Normandy and the sands of Okinawa,
On the bare, black hills called Pork Chop and Old Baldy and Heartbreak Ridge, a million
and more of my countrymen have died for freedom.
I AM AN AMERICAN...and my country is their eternal monument.
I AM AN AMERICAN...and my ancestors have bequeathed to me:
The laughter of a small boy as he watches a circus clown�s antics,
The sweet, delicious coldness of the first bite of peppermint ice cream on the Fourth of
July,
The little tenseness of a baseball crowd as the umpire calls, �Batter Up!�
The high school band�s rendition of the �Stars and Stripes Forever,� in the Memorial Day
parade,
The clear, sharp ring of a school bell on a crisp fall morning, These and many others
things they fought for and left me.
I AM AN AMERICAN...and the fruits of my thought and labor are mine to enjoy.
I AM AN AMERICAN...and my happy land is a land of many realms and mansions:
It is a land of Ohio corn and potatoes and pastures,
It is the realm of hundreds of acres of golden wheat stretching across flat miles of
Kansas,
It is the land of precision assembly lines in Detroit, It is the realm of milling cattle
in the stockyards of Chicago, It is the land of glowing skylines of Pittsburgh and
Birmingham, of San Francisco and New York, And my churches and homes are the mansions of
heaven.
I AM AN AMERICAN...and the love of God has made me free.
I AM AN AMERICAN...and in my churches and homes everyone worships God in his own way:
The young Jewish boy saying: �Hear, 0 Israel, the Lord is One, �
The Catholic girl praying: �Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is -with thee,�
The Protestant boy singing: �A Mighty Fortress is Our God, �Each one believing and praying
as he must, And all joining in the universal prayer: �Our Father, who art in
Heaven,� with the voice in the soul of every human being that cries out to be free,
I AM AN AMERICAN...and I believe that America has answered that voice.
I AM AN AMERICAN...and my country offers freedom and opportunity such as no land before
her has ever done:
Freedom to work, as mechanic or farmer, as merchant or truck driver,
Freedom to think, as chemist or lawyer, as doctor or priest,
Freedom to love, as , as parent, sweetheart, husband, wife,
Freedom to speak, to pray, to read, to argue, to praise, to criticize,
Freedom to live one - or two - hundred million different lives.
I AM AN AMERICAN...and my heritage is of the land and of the spirit, of the heart and of
the soul.
I AM AN AMERICAN...and these are my words. Show me a now a country greater than my
country, a people happier than my people.
I AM AN AMERICAN...I speak for democracy and the dignity of the individual.
Have a Happy and safe 4th of July to those that celebrate this holiday. Don't drink and drive please because life is too short already and adding booze and a vehicle do not mix.
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To all the Fathers out there.
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Posted:Jun 19, 2010 9:33 pm
Last Updated:Jul 1, 2010 3:13 pm
7913 Views
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What Makes A Dad
God took the strength of a mountain,
The majesty of a tree,
The warmth of a summer sun,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The generous soul of nature,
The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of the eagle's flight,
The joy of a morning in spring,
The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity,
The depth of a family need,
Then God combined these qualities,
When there was nothing more to add,
He knew His masterpiece was complete,
And so, He called it ... Dad
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To link to this blog (ineedyounow55) use [blog ineedyounow55] in your messages.
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