Where Is Everyone?
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Posted:Sep 18, 2007 11:23 am
Last Updated:Oct 3, 2007 4:01 pm
154178 Views
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Are people taking a vacation from the blogs? My watch list is very silent. As are my readers. I'm not used to this.
Normally, I can't read all the new posts on my watch list in a week, let alone a day. But I'm all caught up. The people who haven't blogged in months are the only ones I haven't hit.
Then there are the ones on my watch list who decided to take their blogs to network friends only status and didn't invite me. Rude bastards, all of you. I realize I don't visit all of you every day or leave comments on every post, but do you not see me on the list of visitors? Do you not love me enough to let me continue reading your blog? I'm starting to get a complex here!
Then there are the ones I had to stop reading due to color schemes that hurt my eyes, or make it difficult to read. Black on black? Yeah, I can highlight, but seriously, black on black? Or even worse, the migraine inducing red on pink. What are you people thinking?
Then there are the ones who are gone, who left to blog elsewhere. Who deleted themselves here and went to that other site people are talking about. Which is even harder to navigate than the site it's modeled after.
Yes, I admit, I am a blog addict. There. I said it. I am a mental voyeur. I want to see your thoughts. To see what makes you tick.
So, that said, I need suggestions. Recommend a blog for me to read that I don't already read. There are some things that make a blog readable in my opinion. Proper use of paragraph breaks. In the past year, I've found that people who don't use spaces between paragraphs and write posts as one run-on paragraph are really hard to read. It hurts my eyes and I lose my place. Aging is a bitch.
Proper spelling and grammar are important. I realize a few blogs fall into outsider art, but a little of that goes a long way. A color scheme that's easy on aging eyes. Signs of intelligence.
I don't want to read email forwards. Half the time they're urban legends that I have to educate the person on and it tends to piss him or her off. People want to believe what they want to believe.
I don't want to read about how much sex people are having. I don't want to read sexual fantasies. I don't want to read about D/s relationships where the woman is being . I don't want to read about daddy's little girl. I don't want to listen to ugly married men bitch that we're all fakes because we're not sucking their dicks.
I don't want to read poetry. I don't want to read the joke of the day that's been circling the Internet since 1995. I don't want fluff.
So recommend to me a witty, urbane, informed blogger. Someone with something to say. Someone who is humorous, but isn't recycling the same old jokes. Someone with a passion. Someone who isn't insane.
I know it's a tall order, but there has to be a blog like this I haven't discovered yet.
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Morning From Hell
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Posted:Sep 17, 2007 8:50 am
Last Updated:Sep 21, 2007 5:52 am
129893 Views
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Bad Mondays are never a good sign of the week to come. It's been bad and it's not even noon.
In the wee hours of the morning, I couldn't sleep. I kept changing position and rooms. Bedroom, living room. Bedroom, living room. Too hot, too cold, too hard, too soft, bed, couch, floor, etc. So I'm sleep deprived to boot.
The phone keeps ringing with an unknown number. I don't know about the rest of you, but those people can just leave messages where I'm concerned. It's normally a telemarketer.
Coffee. I need coffee.
WTF happened to the filters? They were here the day before yesterday.
I searched up and down and the last of the filters were gone. OK, they say you can use paper towels. Out of paper towels. I know! Look at that stack of McDonald's napkins!
So, knowing these things aren't the sturdiest paper products in the world, I used two, doubled over. I cut away the dross and crossed my fingers. I hit the on button.
So far, so good.
Wait, what's that sound? Oh fuck.
We all know that sound. The sound of the coffee maker spilling over the sides.
I've seen the movie "The Believers" enough times to have that opening scene with the coffee maker malfunction ingrained in my memory. I'm in bare feet myself. So I don't touch the unit, I pull the plug.
But it's still dripping. Over the sides of the coffee holder, all over the counter, there are grounds in the pot... Lovely. Well, I figured I'd let it cool off and then clean it up.
But I need coffee this morning.
It's gearing up to be hot. While I'm in no real condition to walk, I wanted to make it to the store and back before it got hot.
Where the fuck are my sunglasses?
It's hot and it's bright out there. I suffer from photophobia, which is a condition that was named badly. It's not a fear of light, but extreme sensitivity to light. It hurts my eyes. Going out in the sun for any length of time without sunglasses will set off migraines. Photophobia is common among migraine sufferers, even when we don't have headaches. It's also common among people with blue eyes. Double whammy!
The thing is, I know EXACTLY where I left my sunglasses the last time I went out. They're not there. I'm told by the roommate that this house eats things, sometimes they don't reappear for years. I know I had that fourth dimension portal in the old apartment, where things would disappear and reappear under the coffee table a month later. But I didn't know these portals were so common.
*sigh*
So here I sit. Coffee deprived. I can't even attempt to go outside, unless storm clouds roll in. Not enough sleep. No coffee.
I'd go back to bed, but the phone would just ring.
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But Why Not Real Poo?
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Posted:Sep 17, 2007 1:29 am
Last Updated:Nov 17, 2007 7:37 pm
131448 Views
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Today I realized I need to get shampoo. Something in the back of my mind said to me, "yeah, but it's better than using real poo."
I really hate that voice. Except when it says to me, "hey stupid! Don't walk out into the middle of the street!"
Yes, while it has kept me alive for years, I still hate it.
But it got me thinking about the etymology of the word shampoo. I expected it to be something really fascinating, like how people used to use elephant dung or something. Instead, this is what I found...
1762, "to massage," from Anglo-Indian shampoo, from Hindi champo, imperative of champna "to press, knead the muscles," perhaps from Skt. capayati "pounds, kneads." Meaning "wash the hair" first recorded 1860; extended 1954 to carpets, upholstery, etc. The noun meaning "soap for shampooing" first recorded 1866.
There you have it. How incredibly boring is that?
But it did make me realize something. You know those massage places that sell horny men table shampoos? (I've never been to one, I've just read about them, when they get busted.) They're offering a service that is the closest to the original meaning of the word.
Funny how that works, isn't it?
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4
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The Handles Keep Getting Weirder
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Posted:Sep 14, 2007 11:17 pm
Last Updated:Oct 5, 2007 1:18 am
130218 Views
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botulismo (27M) botulismo has entered the room... [12:12 AM CST]
Botulismo? I don't care that he was in Mexico. I would think that would still mean botulism. WTF?
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16
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Damn It. I've Been Tagged. I Thought I Was Immune.
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Posted:Sep 14, 2007 8:14 pm
Last Updated:Sep 17, 2007 5:25 pm
130437 Views
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I managed to escape the last few rounds of tag, but I got it this time by meohmy731 meohmy731. OK, can I even think of ten things about me that you all don't already know?
1. Horror is my favorite genre. I mean to the point where I border on being an expert on the subject.
2. I have finally learned my proper place as a woman. It's on my soapbox.
3. I'm homesick as hell.
4. I haven't met anyone outside of my roommate's circle since I got to Tulsa. It's starting to piss me off.
5. I'm accused constantly of being "too intense." I have absolutely no idea what that means and I wish someone would explain it to me.
6. Guilty Pleasure: Donovan.
(Who started this game of tag? I'm hunting down that person for making it ten things.)
7. I don't get "sweet tea." Lots of sugar, but no lemon? NO LEMON?
(Yeah, I am reaching now.)
8. I can't stand people who aren't true to themselves and conform to what they think society and/or the opposite sex wants them to be.
9. In spite of having fallen away from the church when I was 17, I can still recite all the proper responses. I discovered this when I had to go to a mass at St. Patrick's to hear a friend's sing.
10. I've been dying for a hot fudge sundae for three weeks and I don't know where to get a decent one in this town.
So who am I tagging?
1. inklust inklust
2. Scott_In_Tulsa
3. [blog neveragain80]
4. kitchenfun1234
5. Artimus4U [blog Artimus4U]
6. NickRules999
7. gadytfol gadytfol
8. AtomicArtist [blog AtomicArtist]
9. Ready_11 [blog Ready_11]
10. DaphneR [blog DaphneR]
Remember , play fair. There is now a record that you've been tagged. So deleting my tagging isn't going to make it go away.
So let's see your list of ten things! Try to weasel your way out of it and I'll make it 11!
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Oh, Fucking Hell. Now the FBI Really IS Going To Be Watching Me.
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Posted:Sep 13, 2007 7:39 pm
Last Updated:Aug 15, 2013 11:49 pm
131435 Views
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Last night, I became curious about the new Osama Bin-Laden video. I hadn't seen it. So, I took a trip to You Tube and found snippets. Bad quality, I couldn't read the subtitles, etc. But the one had a link to the full 28 minute video and a transcript. So, I clicked the link.
My first thought was, "that's not Osama Bin-Laden, it's against religious law for him to use hair dye." Then I wondered how the hell years had been taken off his face and how his nose was well, very different, I wondered what the Taliban law was on plastic surgery. Why is someone who is supposed to be having a sherpa carry his dialysis machine on his back looking so much younger? Most dialysis patients age badly.
But I soon grew bored asking myself such questions. So I just read the transcript, which I found beyond odd and then clicked to the comments.
The comments are what clued me into what sort of site I was on. I was so intent on the video that I hadn't even noticed the site name, or their motto. But when I saw all the comments about the new video being an obvious Jewish plot to undermine America, I took a closer look. Vanguard News Network? Oh fuck me. Right wing white guys who think Prussian Blue are darling girls. So I hit the back button.
I was on a site called podblanc, whose motto is, "white now."
Oh fuck me hard. I'm on a fucking white nationalist website. Great. Wonderful. Just what I need. The FBI supposedly tracks visitors to such sites. Add in my theory on Steve Fossett and now I'm bound to get a visit.
Worse yet, I sent the link to the video to several people who wanted to see the full video. So now they've probably been tracked too.
Oh, what the hell. I'm here, I might as well take a look around the site.
These people are seriously fucked up. I can't even begin to describe how offensive this site is to my sensibilities. These people don't just talk using stereotypes, they are stereotypes themselves. I felt like I was on one big Klan rally site.
Videos that will link you to their site are all over You Tube too, in spite of their feelings about the owners and founders of Google. They're like the wrong religion and stuff, if you catch my drift. But the videos there cover all sorts of news, without letting you know what you're in for if you click their site.
But holy hell! It's like looking at a train wreck. Once you start, you can't believe the comments on videos and you can't believe what's being espoused in these videos. How if America was pure white Christian, there would be no crime, no drugs, no housing market collapse, life would be a 1950s television show. What I can't believe is, these people actually believe this crap!
I really did have to look. Videos about the Jena Six, (look it up if you haven't heard about the case,) with comments from their members saying all these people have no right to tell a town in Mississippi they have no right to have a whites only tree at the high school. Nice going, you ill-bred hicks. Jena is in Louisiana. So none of these people are screaming about Mississippi.
It bothers me that these attitudes still exist. Multiculturalism is something only traitors to their race believe in? Hell, I have the blood of three continents in veins. I just look lily white. But it makes me wonder... How many of these ignorant hate mongers know exactly what is in their veins? How do they know they don't have a lone black guy in there from 500 years ago? Or a Mongol from when Ghengis Khan was out conquering the lands? Or a lone Jew, or a family that converted 200 years ago? But they seem to believe that anyone who dates outside their own is going to be , date and get a disease. Which leads me to a single conclusion about these people.
They all come from a long line of cousins marrying cousins. To keep the bloodline pure.
So, to that nice FBI or Homeland Security agent who is now trying to figure out my movement on the Internet, please keep in mind, I'm not one of them, I will never be one of them and really, I'm not a threat to anything but close-minded thinking. I'm just trying to get a bead on the mindset of these people.
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Stop IMing Me. Here's My Post On That Day. Happy Now?
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Posted:Sep 11, 2007 7:27 pm
Last Updated:Mar 16, 2008 8:49 pm
145221 Views
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So I keep getting the IMs...
"You know what today is, why haven't you blogged?"
Um, because I said my piece two years ago in I39m Not A Heartless Bitch. Has my attitude changed since then? Not really.
This day is a fucking media circus. We have Benito, er, I mean Rudy Giuliani at the site giving speeches. He was booed, people left, people turned their backs. Survivors and families of survivors. I don't blame them in the least.
While he wasn't off reading, "My Pet Goat" and he did do something, it's the other things he did that gall people. WTF is with sending human remains to a dump on Staten Island instead of sending them off for DNA testing and identification? He did this while Mayor, while giving mouth service to the events in the media. And tonight? He's going to be at a far right celebration. Yes, these people celebrate the pain of the day. It is a media event, a time to be seen. As I write this, the "Freedom Concert" is going on, with speeches from Giuliani, Sean Hannity, Ann "the cuntscab" Coulter and Joe "but I'm too wimpy to admit I'm a Republican" Lieberman. The concert is a right wing event to raise college funds for dead soldiers.
I'm not trying to diminish the fact that people have died fighting in wars that that day spawned. But where are the college funds for the of the victims? The of survivors who never managed to find another job? How many of these mostly 19 and 20 year olds who have died had managed to spread their seed before joining up?
No, I'm not being heartless.
I've gone around the blogs since I started getting the messages asking me to write something. Why is it the people who are most affected are the ones who have never been in NYC in their entire lives? Very few had personal stories to share.
And what of the survivors?
We've got the right wingers blasting the widows of those who died that day. Saying they're all millionaires now. No, those are the lucky ones. Trust me when I say the families of the waiters and dishwashers at Windows On The World got next to nothing, as their husbands, fathers, brothers, wives, sisters, mothers weren't considered important enough. Maintenance workers survivors got shit too. Where are the college funds for the of these people?
Where are the funds for those who survived? Go look up William Rodriguez. He was a maintenance worker who had worked at the WTC for nearly 20 years. He had the only keys for the doors in the North Tower. He went in and out of that building multiple times after the planes hit. He led firefighters through the stairwells and opened doors for them. He was the last survivor out of the North Tower and survived by diving under a fire truck and staying there for hours, until it was safe to come out. Since then, he hasn't been able to find another job. He's been homeless, he's been a crusader for the rights of survivors. He also gets very little press.
No one wants to think about the survivors. Did you know we have one right in the blogs? VoodooGuru1 was at a meeting in the Marriot at the WTC when the first plane hit. He's done [post 1039639] of his original post about it. If you haven't read it before, I urge you to go read it.
But it's all about pain and misery and remembering the dead today. No one cares about the survivors who have physical or psychological damage. No one cares about the volunteers who risked their physical health due to asbestos exposure to hunt for bodies and clean up. No one cares about their . No one cares who can still work, or who's so damaged their now on welfare or homeless.
What gets the press?
The politicians who use this as a way to try to get votes. Giuliani had to give a speech today and make his blow-hard comments. Barack Obama released a statement saying, "Six years later, the threat to America has only grown." The only one with any grace today was Hillary Clinton, who sat quietly representing the state she's paid to represent. She made no self-promoting speech today and released a statement that simply said, "Today is a solemn occasion, to keep in our prayers the men and women who lost their lives and their families."
But seriously, do you feel any less safe now than you did six years ago? Is it the fact that we've suddenly remembered we haven't found Bin Laden? Yeah, people forgot about him until the release of those recent tapes. It was all about how Saddam was behind everything. We forget the truth and we believe the pablum the Bush administration feeds us.
But all we do is make a media spectacle every year and cram it down the throat of a willing public. You know, crap like this can only rip open wounds for the survivors. But no one seems to give a shit about them. They only care about the dead. We're a fucking morbid society.
Now, for those of you who weren't in the NYC area at this time, let me fill you in. It was those of us who got stations that weren't NYC stations that saw it unfold. Vantage points where people could see the Manhattan skyline were closed down. The city was locked down. Everything was fucking chaos. People who worked in Manhattan, but lived in NJ, CT, Westchester and Long Island couldn't get home. They couldn't even get out of the city. All that was running was the Weehawken ferry and they were being incredibly fucking unsympathetic to people. Did they start running more ferries for the people who normally took PATH, a train or drove in? NO! They stood around telling people they needed a commuter pass to get onboard. They didn't fucking care.
We were all frantic trying to get in touch with friends and family. Phone lines were jammed. I remember spending most of the day chatting with my FWB at the time. His mother was working in Lower Manhattan that day, not far from the towers. We know it wasn't just people in the building that died.
Then there was the aftermath. Not being able to get in and out of the city for days. The eerie silence in the sky as all air traffic was shut down. You have no idea how weird it is to go from constant to nothing. And how scary it was to watch military jets fly over areas they don't patrol normally.
Finally, back into the city. Smoldering remains of buildings. Having to show ID to get lower than 14th St. Having to have your friends who lived in the Village come get you at the barricades because the city became a military state. It was "show us your papers" at will. No going out to walk your with just your keys in tow. You needed your ID every second in the city.
The military checking cars everywhere. The tunnels, near Newark Penn Station, at Journal Square... no one got by having their cars and person searched.
Then there was the smell of the city. Fire and rot and decay and burning insulation and clouds over Staten Island that were so fucking unnatural. That smell. It's not something I ever want to smell again. It lingered for at least two months.
Oh and then... Those tacky twin beams of light. They might have looked good on television, but up close and personal? Ugh. I'm sure they're on tonight. Yes, they're there for us to remember. But hasn't it occurred to them that some survivors don't want it crammed down their throats every year?
Where are the ceremonies for the rescue workers who survived? Where are the fund raisers for people who now have major lung ailments associated with the asbestos exposure? Or the people who weren't "skilled" college educated labor who now can't even scrape by, six years later?
I'm not saying forget. What I am saying is, have some respect for the survivors. Don't just remember the dead. Remember there are people who are seriously fucked up mentally and physically who will never be better, who lived through it. Who will tell you how flawed the phrase, "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is.
Let's just try to remember them.
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Three Hour Tour?
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Posted:Sep 10, 2007 2:21 pm
Last Updated:Sep 27, 2007 5:19 am
130647 Views
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It's been over a week since Steve Fossett's plane disappeared somewhere in Nevada. Today, I was talking to humorguaranteed (everyone be sure to drop him an email today wishing him a happy 40th birthday!) when he mentioned Area 51. I thought about it and asked if it was near Reno. Then I went looking for maps...
I found a Wikipedia entry:
Area 51, Dreamland, McCartan's County, Paradise Ranch, Home Base, Watertown Strip, Groom Lake, The Box, Neverland, and other names) is a remote tract of land in the southwestern portion of Lincoln County in southern Nevada, at the southern edge of a large dry salt flat called Groom Lake.
Hmmmm... That got me thinking about what the one article said:
The aviation pioneer was the first person to travel around the world non-stop in an air balloon and an airplane. He disappeared last week in a Nevada desert, flying a small airplane while he was scouting for salt plains where he could make a future attempt to break the land speed record.
Salt flats? Salt plains? Aren't they the same thing?
When I read he was off on a three hour tour, er, I mean flight, my first thought was, "are there any islands in Nevada?"
But the mere mention of Area 51 got me going. Three hour flight, give or take. I went to Mapquest. Reno to Rachel, the town closest to Area 51 is a distance of roughly 350 miles. Sort of like NYC to Pittsburgh. So I looked at flights from Newark to Pittsburgh. An hour and a half!
The pieces are falling into place.
Amazon has opened their Mechanical Turk Service to anyone with Google Earth who wants to help search for this man. Roughly 53,000 satellite images have been taken of the area around Reno and they need people to look them over and see if they see anything. All well and good, but let's face it. Area 51 ranks right up there with Dick Cheney's house when it comes to Google Earth. In other words, stick those coordinates into Google Earth and you're not going to get anything. Even Skylab astronauts had to fess up and hand over satellite imagery when they accidentally took photos from space.
One officer told the BBC that Fossett may never be found. Well, if he landed in Area 51, chances are he's being questioned or was shot on sight. Either way, if he's there, he's never being found. Not a scrap from his plane. Not a flight suit. Nothing.
Area 51 is part of Nellis Air Force Base. Air space is so restricted that Air Force pilots who veer off course at Nellis and fly over Area 51 are subject to disciplinary action. While folklore tells us that's where they hide the aliens, it's pretty much a given Area 51 is where they develop and test new aircraft for the military. Tourists who aren't in it for the UFOs flock to Rachel, NV in hopes of catching a glimpse of them testing new airplanes. But if military personnel are disciplined for going near the area, what do they do to civilians?
Let's review. We have thousands upon thousands of satellite images that volunteers with no life and a healthy case of celebrity worship are pouring through. Google Earth has joined the quest. Think of all the people who have that service. Think of all the people who would relish the instant celebrity if they were the ones to spot the plane.
Then there's the fact his plane's tracking device, which was supposed to go off if he crashed or had a rough landing never went off. Silence. All the more reason to believe he entered restricted air space.
If he did veer into Area 51, the military will never tell us, as that is classified information. It's only been in the last ten years they admit it exists. Nevada is mostly desert. So the chances that he crashed into a thick forest where satellite images won't pick up the wreckage are slim to none. But if he went down or was forced down in Area 51... Well, I wonder if he's going to have wacky adventures like the castaways on Gilligan's Island if he's there.
So, is this just a crackpot theory, or do you think it holds some credence? And if so, are the men in black about to knock on my door and ask what I know?
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14
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Someone Make It Stop!
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Posted:Sep 5, 2007 9:29 am
Last Updated:Sep 14, 2007 2:37 pm
144757 Views
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My roommate's has become obsessed with the song "Mad World." But not the nice, upbeat Tears For Fears original version of the song. Oh no. He's into the Gary Jules, sad, mopey, emo version recorded expressly for that last scene in "Donnie Darko." You know, that incredibly depressing last scene?
Mind you, no one in this house has ever seen that movie, so they don't know. Nor does anyone seem to have an interest in the movie.
However, this is listening to this song non-stop. To the point where he had to be told, if he's going to play the same song over and over again, he had better play two different songs in-between, or else. That's fine and all, but...
Now I can't get that fucking song out of my head. I used to like it. Now, it's an earworm I can't get rid of and piercing my eardrums won't help, as it will still be in my head. It won't stop.
I fall asleep with that song in my head. I wake up with that song in my head. No amount of listening to other music will get it out of my head. It's been ingrained on my memory. Someone please make it stop!
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Tips For Younger Men
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Posted:Sep 2, 2007 8:50 pm
Last Updated:Aug 17, 2008 3:07 pm
145676 Views
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Look guys, let me state up front that I adore younger men. The hot 25 year old who will be pushing my wheelchair when I'm 80 hasn't been born yet. "Harold and Maude" is one of my favorite movies. However, the bulk of you who are out to bag an older woman seem to think all you have to do is thrust your, um, age in her face and she's going to want to reclaim her lost youth by taking you to bed.
It doesn't work that way. Not even with cougars does it work that way. We're old enough to smell bullshit and we cut right through it. Yes, you get shot down. But if we make you feel emasculated as we shoot you down, the problem is not with us being bitches, but with your approach.
Just because you're young, it doesn't make you hot and/or desirable. A cocky attitude is going to turn us off. Treating us like you're doing us a favor is going to turn us off too. So here are a few tips, as I'm sick to death of watching you all make fools of yourselves and then bitching you can't meet anyone. Or worse, talking about how no one will put out.
1. Do NOT greet someone in a chat room with, "how do you feel about younger men?" You're wearing your age in the room in most cases. We know you're 22. Try saying, "Hi, how are you?" instead. Try having a conversation with us. We will be turned off if that's the first thing out of your mouth.
2. We're sick of hearing, "I've always wanted to be with an older woman." Nice going, fucktard. Just because we're older, it doesn't mean we're just waiting for you to grace us with your penis. We can get laid easier than you can, even if we're 500 pounds, possess three teeth and are going bald. We don't want to be made to feel we could be just anyone. If you want to start a conversation with an older woman, tell her how attractive she is. Don't tell her you have some weird porn fantasy about older. Tell her how much you love her profile and how you'd love to get to know her better. Start a conversation. Keep your sick little fetish to yourself.
3. "But I've been with other older women and they loved me!" Yeah, they loved you so much that they kept you, right? Or are you just going for more notches in the bedpost? If you're not going to make a woman feel special, then you have no right to be with her.
4. "Wow, you're a MILF!" Good going, especially if you're talking to a woman with no . No, it is NOT code for all older women. You're stupid as fuck if you think it is. It means "Mom I'd Like to Fuck." You're going to do nothing but insult those of us who chose not to spawn, out of fear we'd end up with as stupid as you are.
5. Show common ground. You have a brain, use it. Dazzle us with your witty banter, your worldly knowledge, your knowledge of current events, etc. Let us know we're going to have something to talk about IF we deem you worthy of meeting.
6. Don't assume all older women are just harlots waiting for you to come over and fuck us. If all you want is the in and out, get bent. We are Goddesses and you should treat us as such. Chances are, even if we sort of dig you in that tenuous sort of way, if you pull that, "So when are you inviting me over to fuck" bullshit, the only action you're going to be getting is from Rosie Palms and her sisters. Again.
7. We're not a sexual fast food service. No, we're not going to come over to your dorm and pick up beer and a pizza on the way. If you're living in a dorm, you're too young to drink anyway. Which means, we'd be breaking the law by bringing you beer. And the pizza? Fuck you. You have a pass for the dining hall. We're not your mother. We have no moral obligation to feed you.
8. If a woman tells you she's not interested in guys your age, take it and move on. Don't bitch at her about the good time she's going to miss, how much you dig women her age, how many other older women you've been with, etc. If she's not into it, she's not into it. You little boys seem to think you're all entitled to your sexual preferences, but a woman isn't entitled to hers. Put down the Internet porn and get with the real world. Stop being a little prick misogynist and realize women are more than a collection of holes. That is, if you ever actually want to lose your virginity.
9. Treat us with respect, treat us like human beings, treat us with dignity. How would you like it if someone spoke to your mother or your grandmother the way you speak to us? Keep in mind, you have no idea what your parents do behind closed doors. That faceless couple in your home town you try to pick up just may be your parents, or one of your neighbors.
10. Finally, if an older woman is interested, she will let you know. Having to ask her how she feels about age won't even enter into it. The banter will come naturally. Chances are, she's going to ask you when you're going to ask her out.
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Can We Get Them To Move To Oklahoma?
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Posted:Aug 31, 2007 6:50 am
Last Updated:Sep 19, 2007 3:24 pm
130705 Views
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The spiders in Lake Tawakoni State Park in Texas seem to be communicating with each other and have built a communal spider web. The web is 200 yards long. That is the length of two football fields.
Think about that a second. Two football fields. Think of how many spiders that would take, given the average size of a web.
Now, I have no love for spiders. Quite honestly, they scare the shit out of me. Wanna hear me scream like a chick in a horror movie? Dangle a spider in front of me. However, if they stay in their webs and don't bother me, I have learned to ignore them and not bother them. But the spiders who have built this communal web are doing something wonderful for the community at large. It is a massive mosquito trap.
"At first, it was so white it looked like fairyland," said Donna Garde, superintendent of the park about 45 miles east of Dallas. "Now it's filled with so many mosquitoes that it's turned a little brown. There are times you can literally hear the screech of millions of mosquitoes caught in those webs."
The screech of millions of dying mosquitoes... That's a sound that would warm the cockles of my heart about now.
Needless to say, this web is fascinating entomologists from all over the continent. It's really creeping out some visitors. It's something I wish I could get to see. In spite of my fear of spiders, in spite of how it's something to put one in mind of that 1970s classic, "Kingdom of the Spiders", it is something incredibly rare.
Besides, I want to hear millions of mosquitoes scream.
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Make It Stop Itching!
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Posted:Aug 30, 2007 12:36 am
Last Updated:Sep 21, 2007 5:48 am
145163 Views
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If I EVER hear anyone call the mosquito the state bird of New Jersey again, they are coming to Tulsa, even if I have to sell a kidney to get that person here. OMFG, someone make it stop itching!
When a mosquito bites me in the Northeast, I get an itchy welt for an hour or two, then it shrinks to a hard red bump like an allergy bump. An hour after that it stops itching entirely. It's not a big deal. But the mosquitoes here in Tulsa? They're fucking possessed!
When I first got her and I was eaten alive, I figured the reason for the great numbers of mosquitoes was because of the inordinate amount of rain the area got right before I got here and the lack of decent drainage in most of the state. I did notice that the bites were hanging around for at least a week, but I didn't think much of it. I just figured it was the change in environment. But no, these are fucking demoniacally possessed mosquitoes, who will go on the attack the instant you go outside at night. I've become convinced that when I was so sick last month, it was a touch of West Nile. All the symptoms were there.
Perhaps Northeastern mosquitoes have become weak, as communities do spray for them, because of how dangerous West Nile is for and the elderly. They don't spray for mosquitoes here for some bizarre reason. Considering any pedestrian out after midnight is considered prime for police questioning in this town, the wee hours of the morning would be a perfect time to send out the trucks. Just announce what neighborhoods are being sprayed when on the news. Hell, we had to guess in NJ, unless we read the town announcements flier that came once a month. And we STILL had infected birds dropping dead from West Nile and falling to the sidewalk. But I digress.
Mosquitoes are supposed to be the most active at dawn and dusk. Not around here. Go outside from dusk to dawn, no matter what time and you're going to be eaten alive. The most voracious of them will even bite through your clothes. If there's one lurking in your bedroom as you go to sleep, well, I think the mosquitoes in this town have some eating disorder, causing them to binge and purge, binge and purge. One mosquito in your room will bite you so many times, it isn't even funny.
But the amount of time it takes for the welts to go down! What is with still having huge, itchy welts a week or two after the bite? That's just fucking unnatural.
I am covered in bites, from head to foot at the moment. First, I tried to watch the Perseids. Bad idea, all around. For one thing, there's too much light pollution around here, so the few meteors I did see were mere white shadows in the sky. For another thing, in the five minutes I was out there, I was eaten alive.
So, I did my best to deal with the bites. Saturday night, I had to go out after dark. The roomie wasn't home, so I walked. Well, it was a double whammy. I could feel myself walk through multiple spider webs. Hell, I could feel the spiders on me. As a matter of fact, once I got back, I watched one that was on me bite me on the wrist. I got into the shower ASAP and prayed that no brown recluse had bitten me, as they are native to this area. I watched the spider bites carefully, just in case. But you know what? A spider bite is NOTHING compared to an Oklahoma mosquito bite. My spider bites from Saturday night are down to pinprick sized welts. The mosquito bites? Well, let's just say the ones on my abdomen are grouped in such a way that I actually checked to make sure they were bites and not shingles.
But wait! There's more!
Sunday afternoon I was in the back yard for all of five minutes. I was bitten even more. Then going outside to catch a glimpse of the eclipse. Oh yeah, that was close enough to dawn that they were having their bedtime snacks. Then today, walking back from the bus... I had to step onto a part of someone's lawn to make room for passing cars. I have no idea why theirs was the only wet lawn in the area, (I mean sink in to your ankles wet,) but now my feet and ankles are covered in bites. MY FEET!
I can't begin to tell you all how much I itch. Hydrocortisone creams aren't helping. The instant my skin is damp, the itching resumes on the older bites. Which is great, considering it's still in the fucking 90s here.
I feel like I'm going to go insane from the itching. Scratching only makes it worse. The ones on my back I can't reach are really driving me insane. The backscratcher just isn't cutting it. I itch in so many different places, I don't know where to scratch first!
I am in Hell. Someone please tell me mosquito season is about to end and I'm not going to have to wait to see if they even have a hard frost in this town. Please tell me there's a magic bullet that will make me stop itching, where the hydrocortisone failed. At least tell me something that will take my mind off of the itching!
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If This Is The Future Of America...
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Posted:Aug 26, 2007 11:50 pm
Last Updated:Sep 19, 2007 4:23 pm
141245 Views
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... Then we are in some SERIOUS trouble.
Did you all know Friday night was the Miss USA Pageant and it was on national TV? Yeah, that one got completely by me too. However...
When it got down to asking the five finalists the hard hitting social questions, just like in the grown up version of the pageant. However, unlike the grown-up version of the pageant, Miss South Carolina, Caitlin Upton was completely unprepared.
Her socially relevant question was, "Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can't locate the United States on a world map. Why do you think this is?"
What was her answer? I swear to God I'm not making this up.
"I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don't have maps and uh, I believe that our education like such as South Africa and uh, the Iraq everywhere like such as and I believe they should our education over here! In the U.S. should help the U.S., er, should help South Africa, it should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future for our ."
Yes, this video clip is all over the place. I had to watch it more than once, as the first time I couldn't believe what I was hearing. The second time I thought my head was going to explode, but I still couldn't believe what I was hearing. The third time, I decided to write this.
Seriously, WTF? These girls are groomed to get up on that stage. They are coached. They all used to vie for a college scholarship. But of course, Donald Trump owns this pageant now too and the scholarship prize is now a two-year scholarship from The NY Film Academy. Unless this one wants a career in porn, I don't think we'll be seeing her in any major motion pictures, ever.
People ask me what I mean when I refer to someone as a twinkie. Well, this brain dead blonde bimbo from Hell is a perfect example. Seriously, WTF? What are they teaching in the South Carolina school system? U.S. Americans? The Iraq? Poor education in Asia? Or was she saying, the only hope for education in this country is if we're invaded by South Africa, Iraq and Asia? Or was she saying there are no maps in those places?
Her interview questions on the pageant website aren't much better. If there was an extra hour in every day, she'd spend extra time on her Jet-Ski. If she could have one servant it would be a cook, so someone will teach her how to cook. Oh yeah, she's been groomed by her parents to marry a rich man. I hope she gets one too. This girl isn't even fit to work the counter at McDonald's.
But is this what passes for an educated young lady in South Carolina? The motto of the South Carolina pageant is, "Where beauty meets ability." I wonder what sort of ability they're talking about. This girl is a complete and utter twinkie. Blonde and sickening sweet and absolutely nothing of substance.
Well, I think Caitlin is a perfect example of No Left Behind at work. Teach them to try to sound smarter than they really are and confuse people so much that they're flabbergasted and you can take that as stunning them with your brilliance. My brain still hurts from that train wreck of an interview.
I'm amazed the host managed to make it through with a straight face.
But I know you're all dying to know. Did she win? Nope. Miss Colorado won. I wish I could find the video to her interview question. But I bet she never said U.S. Americans or the Iraq.
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