Lesbian Dating, Relationships, and Sexy Encounters
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Daily Dose of Humor for Sun Feb 25 2007
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Daily Dose of Humor for Sun Feb 25 2007 Daily Dose of Humor for Sun Feb 25 2007 joke send someone over. "Send someone over quickly!" the old woman screamed into the phone. "Two naked men are climbing towards my bedroom window!" "This is the Fire Department, lady," the voice replied. "I'll have to transfer you to the Police Department." "No, it's YOU I want!" she yelled. "They need a longer ladder!" Sightings Of Sharp Individuals Sighting #1: I was busy writing some computer program for one of my classes and my roommate asked me if he could use my coffee maker. I said, "sure." The next thing I hear is, "Hey, where do you put the coffee?" I turn to see that he has filled the filter basket with water and is (unsuccessfully) trying to keep the water in the basket by plugging the hole at the bottom with his finger. He and the floor are both covered with water. Sighting #2: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask." Sighting #3: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine, when he asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red. He responded, appalled, "What on earth are blind people doing DRIVING???" Sighting #4: At a goodbye lunch for an old and dear co-worker who is leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager spoke up and said, "This is fun. We should have lunch like this more often." Not another word was spoken. We just looked at each other like deer staring into the headlights of an approaching truck. Sighting #5: I worked with an individual who plugged his power strip back into itself and for the life of him could not understand why his system would not turn on. Sighting #6 (a rare "double sighting"): A friend had a brilliant idea for saving disk space. He thought if he put all his Microsoft Word documents into a tiny font they'd take up less room. When he told me I was with another friend. She thought it was a good idea too. Sighting #7 (from Tech Support): Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?" Individual: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?" Sighting #8 (from Tech Support): Individual: Now what do I do? Tech Support: What is the prompt on the screen? Individual: It's asking for "Enter Your Last Name." Tech Support: Okay, so type in your last name. Individual: How do you spell that? joke new shoes A woman sought the advice of a sex therapist, confiding that she found it increasingly difficult to find a man who could satisfy her, and that it was very wearisome getting in and out of all these short term relationships. "Isn't there some way to judge the size of a man's equipment from the outside?" she asked earnestly. "The only foolproof way, is by the size of his feet," counseled the therapist. So the woman went downtown and proceeded to cruise the streets, until she came across a young fellow standing in an unemployment line with the biggest feet she had ever laid her eyes on. She took him out to dinner, wined and dined him, and then took him back to her apartment for an evening of abandon. When the man woke up the next morning, the woman had already gone but, by the bedside table was a $20 bill and a note that read, "With my compliments. Take this money and go out and buy a pair of shoes that fit you." joke washcloth There was a little boy whose mother was about to have a baby. One day the little boy walked in and saw his mother naked, he asked his mother what was the hair in between her legs? She responded, "It's my washcloth". Weeks later after the mother had the baby, the young boy walked in on his mother again, but while she was in the hospital the doctor shaved her pubic hair, and the boy asked his mother: "What happened to your washcloth?" The mother responded, "I lost it". The little boy, trying to be helpful, set out to find his mother's washcloth. A few days later the little boy went running to his mother yelling and screaming, "I found your washcloth!" The mother thinking that the was just playing went along with the boy and asked, "Where did you find it?" The boy answered, "The maid has it and she's washing daddy's face with it." joke NEW MALE SURVIVOR SERIES NEW MALE SURVIVOR SERIES: Have you heard about the next planned "Survivor" show? Mark Burnett, producer of "Survivor" plans to enlist 12 men, who will be dropped in an unidentified suburb with a van, six (each of whom play two sports and take either a musical instrument or dance class), and no access to fast food. They must keep the house clean, correct all homework (receiving at least a "C+" on all papers), complete one science project, cook (OK, they can bring one cookbook), do laundry, etc. Oh, and they also have access to television only when the are asleep and all chores are done, and none of the TV's have remotes. Plus they have to shave their legs and wear makeup which they must apply themselves either while driving or while making six lunches. The competitions will consist of such things as attending a PTA meeting and accurately reporting the results; cleaning up after a sick at 3:00 a.m; making an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and getting a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas. The vote them off. The winner gets to go back to his job joke feeling guilty Howard was feeling guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. Every once in a while he'd hear a soothing voice trying to reassure him - "Howard, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients and you won't be the last." But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality - "Howard, you're a veterinarian." joke a farmer. A man who owns a farm gets a call from a friend. "I know this midget with a speech impediment who wants to buy a and I'm sending him over". The midget arrives and the owner asks him if he wants a male or female . "A female horth," the midget replies. So, the owner shows him one. "Nith looking horth, can I see her mouf?" The owner picks up the midget and shows him the 's teeth. "Nith mouf, can I see her eyesth?" So, the owner picks up the midget and shows him her eyes. "OK, what about the earsth?" Now the owners is beginning to get a little pissed, but he picks up the midget one more time and shows him her ears. "OK, finally, I would like to see her twat." With that, the owner loses all patience, picks up the midget, shoves his head up the 's twat, and then pulls him out. Shaking his head, the midget says, "Perhapth I should wephrase that. I would like to thee the horth run." ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ |
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