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| Blogs > slidein2meplz > Mystical Mistress's Palace... |
Tis the season...
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Tis the season... To be jolly.... Or so they say..... This time of year has always been a hard time for me...and has been for many, many years....still is. Lot's of reasons...stemming back to all those years as a single working mom...trying to make ends meet...trying to provide for my ....wishing every year to be able to give her that one special gift... You know the one..the one they talk constantly about...and each year it's different...but for that year, for that Christmas... that's what she wants...even when she didn't say anything... you could see it in her little brown eyes...when she'd see it advertised on TV...or hears the name of it. You'd see her face...first she'd be hopefull...then you could watch that hope fade as she knows and remembers from years past...not this year. Heartbreaking...as a parent to see that...and not be able to make it better For years and years...while she was growing up we struggled... or I should say... I struggled. Money was never plentiful...and I didn't get support all though I was supposed to. I was divorced back in the day when support wasn't taken care of thru the courts... instead, it was issued on the decree, but making sure anyone got it wasn't (I guess) of any more concern to the court. So, probably 80+ % of the time I didn't get it. Back then all he had to send me was $125.00 a month... that's it. Very, very cheap by todays standards. That was one reason the holiday season was hard for me... another one was that on Christmas eve...at 3 o'clock in the afternoon...in 1988 my grandmother passed away....suddenly from a heart attack. Those of you out here in Blogland who have lost a family member or close friend...any loss of a loved one at this time of year...knows how hard it is....yes, it's hard to lose anyone at anytime of year...but somehow to lose someone at Christmas time... just makes it that much more difficult. You know that song... "Grandma got run'd over by a reindeer"....I HATE THAT SONG....so insensitive. Heartbreaking....and not be able to change it... Then we manage to get past Christmas....somehow we manage to do something...even if it isn't a lot...we get thru the company Christmas party, we get thru the well wishes...and we manage to wish those of us we love and care about a Merry Christmas.... while deep inside...Christmas time hurts, Christmas time isn't joyful... I know it sounds like BAH, HUMBUG...and like I hate Christmas... the truth is I don't hate it...I just find it to be an unhappy time of year for me...and year after year I struggle with it. You'd never know it if you saw me....you'd never know that deep inside I am dreading Christmas... and it get's worse each day closer to Christmas day....you'd never know that deep down inside I wish I felt as excited about it as many, many people do....then again... how many of you out there...go thru the same thing....yet, no one knows...because you don't let it show. Then...comes New Years Eve... New Years Eve...is normally a time when you are with your significant other, your spouse, your boyfriend...or girlfriend...or maybe someone you've just started seeing/dating....and maybe you've decided to ring in the New Year at home alone....just the 2 of you.... Or... Maybe your going to a party...a bash...a gathering....or maybe just down to the local bar to laugh and sing and dance and whatever else goes on.... Or... You've been stood up for the umpteenth time... Or... You've been told..."go ahead and go to the party with Susan and Jim...and I'll be along in a bit... I have to go to this place first..."... and he never shows up.. Or... You've been out all night drinking/getting high...with your live in boyfriend....only to be left sitting at the table....while he's "gone" to the bathroom...and then only to find out he's given some girl named "Sassy" OUR phone number... So, when Christmas day comes... I'll put on my best Merry Christmas game face...and put on my best Merry Christmas attitude...and carry on as I've done for so many years....(actually, it has gotten a little bit better the last couple of years....not as bad as numerous times before) Ditto... with New Years.... 'eh..who know's maybe by then there'll be a new man in my life.... huh? Not that having a MAN in my life should justify happiness....hell, I've been Buddhist long enough to know it has to come from within....but you know... sometimes having one around sure does help....Certainly can't hurt... Can it?  ~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~  |
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I'm sorry if I bummed anyone out ~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~
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Hey, if anyone might be interested go check this guys blog...it's pretty good... Wow i'm a blogger whodathunk ~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~
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Hey Saint...hi... how's it goin? Thanks for stopping by. Come again sometime ok. ~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~
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Hi JJ...thanks for stopping by my blog...I appreciate it and yes, year by year I do get stronger...perhaps that's why the last few haven't been as bad...that plus the fact that my daughter is now almost 30...lol...with a child of her own...so I know she understands why back then it was difficult for me... but..thank goodness she's happily married and they both have very good jobs...so while she understands how it was for me...she doesn't have to "live" it. Thanks again... ~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~
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Howdy mzhuny...thanks... I have at one time or another read most of your blog...haven't mangaged to get thru it all...but I've read a lot of it...so I know you have seen your share. Again, I'm awfully sorry you have had to go thru what is happening now. ~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~
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12/11/2005 9:11 pm |
I am very fortunate. I have a huge family and a very loving wife of 26 years. The holidays are very special to us. Yes, we have had deaths in the family at Christmas, New Years, and just about every holiday. We remember those folks during the holidays. Some have a special ornament on the tree. As for being alone, I know that is a real bummer. Many years ago I was transferred by my employer several states away from home. One Christmas I had to work very late on Christmas Eve and very early on the 26th. I insisted that my wife go home and be with the family. That was one of the top ten worst days of my life. I made sure it never happened again. If I could have my wish, everyone that had no one during the holidays would come on over and have christmas with us. After all, we are all one family in the eyes of our maker.
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Thanks WOW... I appreciate your stopping by and your comment. I also have a huge family...which sometimes added to the stress of not being able to do much...but fortunately my family is very understanding...and they don't really care what we have or don't... so it's cool. Glad yours is close too. Hope all is well..and you have a happy holiday. ~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~
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12/11/2005 11:16 pm |
I love you for sharing yourself with us....I love you for supporting me and my desires....I love you for being my Mistress. And you know what? Every Christmas past - you had your daughter. This in itself is enough to rejoice! This Christmas, you have your daughter.......{=}
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I love you for sharing yourself with us....I love you for supporting me and my desires....I love you for being my Mistress. And you know what? Every Christmas past - you had your daughter. This in itself is enough to rejoice! This Christmas, you have your daughter.......{=} Thank you my sweet Princess# 2... your absolutely right...I always did and do have my daughter, course she's all grown up and has a daughter of her own...my sweetest little grandbaby..Alarah... oh.. she said Grandma to me today... she said..plain as day.."hi Grandma"... she's 19 months old...GOD I love those kids. You will always have my support Till's... count on it! kiss's right back at ya {=} ~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~
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Princess Candy... you are so veryvery dear to me... thank you. Your so very right and I did manage to make it thru those times. I know how hard it was to take care of 1 child...so I can only imagine how it was for you with 2. My consolation... she turned out so damn good and she is so well loved and cared for and life is good...and I hope she never has to experience those hardships. My little Alarah... is so cute, and so sweet and good natured. This is basically her first Christmas where she'll see and sit on Santa's lap... I wonder how she'll do...lol. Happy Holiday Candy... {=} luv Mistress ?* ~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~
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12/13/2005 9:07 am |
Oh, Slide **sobs** To lose a relative on any day is hard enough. To lose a grandparent on Christmas Day is heartbreaking. I lost my grandfather in November of 1995, and I still haven't gotten over it. We go on, but there are some things that affect us for the rest of our lives. My heart and love go out to you. I cannot imagine the pain or struggle of being a single parent, especially during the holidays. I've watched several friends who have done so, like you, without any outside financial support. They do so much for their children, everything they can, while in turn, do without so much themselves. I've always helped any way I could, when they would allow me to do so, which was often a struggle in itself. So proud. So determined. Even if they'd just let me come over and occupy the kids long enough for them to get a quiet, relaxing bath, I'd be there. I just cannot imagine what you, or anyone else in this situation has truly endured emotionally. If there's one thing I am most grateful for in life is that my daughter had the fortune to be brought up in a loving, thriving environment. It's something she is only starting to understand and fully appreciate today. It seems many of us here in blogland are having deep emotional issues right now, some due to the holiday season, some, like me, who just wish the holiday season could be postponed a little longer this year in hopes things will lighten up. Perhaps we should all take time to look around and be thankful of the friends, the "family," the love we have right here. Hopefully, if you're having a bout of yuletide blues you'll be able to come here and find not only smiles, but many friends to comfort you. Family. Love you much - DT
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Thank you DT ... it's very kind of you and I appreciate your words of support. I imagine that's probably why I do spend so much time in Blogland...because there are so many good, good people here and also, at times it's pretty darned entertaining. It does get easier and easier..and so it isn't as bad as when my daughter was real young...but after so many years...of struggle it wears ya down. I was on an upward climb up until end of Sept. it's a long, long story, but in a nutshell the company I work for has been in the process of "going public" and so along with that...there are court filings, waiting periods and more court filings...more waiting..etc.. in the meantime, investors can't send funding....until it's all clear so that has left our company in serious financial bind... in fact I haven't had a paycheck in 2 and a half months now.... so the $$$ struggle to keep home and everything connected with being a homeowner has been extremely stressful...and now here it is Christmas. I have one saving grace or actually 2... 1 is that I have a very nice fat trust fund that my mom is allowing me access to in order to maintain what I normally would be paid every 2 weeks...plus my rental on my apartment attached to the house... so with money still coming in... it helps...but I have to pay that trust back... and my fear is what if we don't get our back pay??? I can't quit my job...haven't been laid off or fired....all though that might change today... (we lost a client) oh well....?? So.. it's heavy stuff (for me right now). I do hope all works out for not only me... but for all of us going thru whatever it is we are all GOING THRU... Thanks again DT... HUGE HUGS! and kiss's.... {=}{=} ~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~
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Oh...gosh, DT...I am so, so sorry of your loss. My boyfriend was killed Nov. of 1995 ...on the 19th actually and was buried day after Thanksgiving...so we both have loss's at that time that were and is still hard at times. Grandpa's are so cool, I remember losing mine when I was 19... Dammit.. ~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~
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