Lesbian Dating, Relationships, and Sexy Encounters
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Lesbian Dating, Relationships, and Sexy Encounters
| Blogs > lionthatroared > Roaring from the Lion |
What's Love got to do with it?
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What's Love got to do with it? The question begs an answer... what is it we're really looking for here? Or, perhaps the better question, since we are all in charge of our own destinies, is this... what am I looking for here? I've come to understand many things about my life over the years. One of the biggest, and probably the most humbling, is that I hate being alone. I don't mean "by myself in a room"; I mean, "without someone to love." I've always been very fixated on love. Up until my mid-30's, I would, quite literally, fall in love with any woman who showed interest in me simply because it was the opportunity to fall in love again. It led to a horde of bad choices, a plethora of horrible decisions, and a string of broken hearts... mostly my own. It took a pretty solid smack in the face to wake up and realize that love doesn't work like that... I couldn't just force love to happen, it had to come naturally. Realizing this, I changed my patterns, altered my perceptions, and came to some hard conclusions. I stopped trying to force love on every woman who would have me. It was the final part of the self-esteem battle I'd been fighting for most of my life, and after 36 years of horrible self-esteem, I finally liked myself. I could look in the mirror and honestly say, "You're a good man." I won. But just because I've conquered that nasty part of my life doesn't mean the loneliness just goes away. I still want my Ms. Right, and finally I can be smart about picking her instead of just leaping headlong into any relationship that comes my way. The problem is... where is she? I've been seriously looking for that special someone for five years now, and I mean a concerted effort to find Ms. Right. Every good woman I've found is either already taken (someone else found her first) or is hundreds or thousands of miles away now (for one reason or another). I guess the reason I'm here looking for FWB's is because, deep down, I'm beginning to think I missed her. Somehow, I missed my chance for happiness. I definitely missed Jenny, and if there was ever the perfect woman for me, it was her. God... even now, I think of her, I see her on Facebook, I see the man she's now married to and the four she's had with him, and I can't help but feel a terrible loss, a regret that tears my soul just a little more. And all because of one thing that she considered insurrmountable. No, I still can't talk about her. Some other time. Maybe that's why I can't find my Ms. Right. Am I subconsciously comparing them to Jenny? I don't think I am, but then again, that's what "subconscious" means. It just always seems there's a deal-breaker on every relationship I attempt to form. Sometimes it's me, sometimes it's her. But every time I try, it hurts again... and it gets harder to try again. The regret, the pain, the emotional weight, the questioning of why it happened... I never expected it to be easy, but why does it have to be so hard? Is that why I'm here? Because the implication of AdultFriendFinder is that there is little to no attachment? Because there's a great possibility that I can hook up with sex partners and I don't have to worry about it hurting when it's over? Is that honestly the kind of guy I am, to just love 'em and leave 'em? No. I'm not. I can't do it! I can't just "boink". Sex actually MEANS something to me. I've never been the kind of guy who can fuck and forget. I may not be throwing myself into a relationship anymore, but I DO think I need that connection, that intimacy, that closeness, that trust. I NEED that cuddling time... yeah, I know it's not "manly" to want to cuddle with the woman I'm having sex with, but damn it... I don't care! I LIKE to kiss! I LIKE to get tangled up with a woman and not necessarily have it lead to sex (although most likely it will)! I LIKE to spoon up with a woman, and I LIKE having her spoon me! I LIKE to curl up on a couch and watch TV or a movie with a woman snuggled up against me. I WANT someone to touch my face, look into my eyes, and say "I love you." So what am I doing here? I'm pretty sure I know. I'm discovering the reason thanks to the FWB I've met here. Because I'm lonely. And being snuggled close by a friend is a LOT better than being alone. She is very understanding, just as I am understanding of her... it's the benefit of being a FRIEND who you also happen to have sex with. I suspect she likes the fact that I spend so much time just curling up with her. I think it's something I need in my life right now, and maybe something she needs, too. I guess the next question is... why am I writing this? Catharsis, I suppose. I just needed to get it all out on paper. So to speak. . Your Friendly Neighborhood King of the Jungle, The Lion. READ THIS! ------>>>lionthatroared I DARE you to read my blog and attempt to be unchanged by sheer, utter AWESOMENESS!!! It's like Kung-Fu Panda fighting Super Models with heavy metal music pumping in the background... hyped up on Rockstar energy drinks! And... whipped cream with chocolate sprinkles! And... laser-guided sex toys are probably involved! And... and... oh, I know... I'm pretty sure Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked it at some point! |
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Writing can be so cathartic...it's why I maintain my blog even though I fear my lack of skill and coherent thought makes people want to host a telethon for me. What you're looking for isn't so outrageous. As humans, we desire love and require the warmth of touch to survive. Finding the right match...well, I don't need to tell you how hard it can be. Even some of us who are married still find ourselves lonely at times. We seek someone to accept and understand us even though we thought we marriage was a perfect bandaid for such needs. I'm glad that you've recognized and reconciled some of the behaviors in your past which led to heartbreak and despondency. You won't find what you are looking for if you can't find YOURSELF first  . Good luck to you! When it comes to sex, I need a STRONG connection. Otherwise, the page just keeps buffering and takes FOREVER to load...
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Long-term relationship. Monogamous. Intellectual compatibility. All these things, in the form of a sexual sub. Luck has nothing to do with it, either.........  "My every move is a calculated step, to bring me closer to embrace an early death." -Tupac Shakur
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Thanks, all. Blondekittycat5, I wish it were as simple as "I'm looking for the perfect woman"... actually, I'm just looking for one that I can trust and isn't a freak. You might be amazed how hard that is. I like what you said, good thoughts. Your Friendly Neighborhood King of the Jungle, The Lion. READ THIS! ------>>>lionthatroared I DARE you to read my blog and attempt to be unchanged by sheer, utter AWESOMENESS!!! It's like Kung-Fu Panda fighting Super Models with heavy metal music pumping in the background... hyped up on Rockstar energy drinks! And... whipped cream with chocolate sprinkles! And... laser-guided sex toys are probably involved! And... and... oh, I know... I'm pretty sure Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked it at some point!
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wow sweetie... get out of my head... glad you found someone you have things in common with. Trust is earned... love abound. mauh
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