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| Blogs > lionthatroared > Roaring from the Lion |
Kissing: Part II: The Wrath of Lion!
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Kissing: Part II: The Wrath of Lion! Okay, it's not really The Wrath of Lion... but Star Trek really knew how to write a catchy phrase, didn't it? Oh dear... I think I just exposed my inner nerd... Actually, I have three stories about kissing.  I don't really remember my first kiss, but I remember it was in second grade. One of my friends had dared me to kiss a girl, and in my typical -like excitement, I ran around the playground and kissed every girl I could catch. It was partly because it made the girls squeal and run, partly because I was dared, and partly because I liked it. In fact, I found that I really liked it. And at the tender age of eight, Lion suddenly realized that these strange, squealing humans with the long hair and pretty dresses... were girls. And suddenly, a lot of flashbulbs went off in my head, with all the television shows I'd watched with people who kissed, and watching my parents kiss, and seeing my prepubescent sister kiss her teddy bear... suddenly, instead of being weird and gross, it sort of clicked. Let's go into the mind of an eight-year-old boy for a second: "These were... girls. GIRLS! There's something special about girls. Boys kiss girls when they like them, right? Yeah, they kiss them, and they both live happily ever after. Hey... that's pretty cool! I mean, I want to live happily ever after. So, if I want to live happily ever after, I need to kiss girls! Hey... and I like kissing girls, it's a lot of fun! It makes me feel warm and excited and kind of funny, but a good-funny." I think one of the most horrified looks I ever got from my mother was when her eight-year-old ran home from school that day, slammed open the door, ran into the kitchen where Mom was standing, and blurted out those immortal words that Katy Perry made famous: "MOM! MOM! I KISSED A GIRL, AND I LIKED IT!" You can probably imagine her reaction. My second story is when I was sixteen years old. Now, to understand some of this, you should know that I was brought up in an ultra-Christian setting, had been ingrained with the idea that women were to be put on a pedestal, and to treat a woman with anything other than cordial politeness was very, very looked down upon. I think I may have scared my parents a little at age eight... they probably figured if they didn't brainwash their , he'd end up fucking every woman in my high school and having lots of illegitimate before age 15! So to put it mildly, I was very naive of the world, of my growing sexuality, and of what the hell to do with these enormous feelings regarding the female sex, not to mention the enormous boner I was walking around with most of the time. To put it bluntly, I was one fucked-up . So I really didn't have any idea what to do when a young lady started making eyes at me. Most of the time, I felt like they were laughing at me, when actually they were just giggling around me because they were nervous and they thought I was cute. Rumors got started that I may have been gay, since I wasn't hitting on any of these ladies. It didn't matter that it wasn't true... since I wasn't acting like a normal male , I must have been gay. This is back when being gay still got your ass kicked and everyone thought it was fine. So I ended up learning to fight pretty well as I fended off assholes who assumed something that I wasn't. I finally realized a few things: 1. Human sexuality courses are necessary. They were just becoming normal in schools, and they just about saved my life... or at least, saved me from becoming celibate. 2. Christian didn't mean celibate, nor did it mean women were on pedestals. Nearly every Christian I knew was hooked up and fucking like rabbits, and damn it, I wasn't gettin' any! 3. I was dressed like an idiot. No kidding, I made Steve Urkel look like a stud. God, no wonder I was getting beaten up, I felt like I should kick my own ass! 4. Having these realizations didn't make me any more prepared for interacting with females than I was before, I was shy and awkward, I was flat broke so dating wasn't an option, I was clueless as to where to begin, and I was in a lot of trouble. And 5. I needed to break this image I'd gained, find a girl, and get my groove on. Now, this isn't the story of how I lost my virginity. Sadly, that wouldn't happen for another 3 years (I was a late bloomer). This is the story of the first time I made out with a girl. And it started with a wrong number. Stay Tuned... Kissing: Part III is coming up! .  Your Friendly Neighborhood King of the Jungle, The Lion. READ THIS! ------>>>lionthatroared I DARE you to read my blog and attempt to be unchanged by sheer, utter AWESOMENESS!!! It's like Kung-Fu Panda fighting Super Models with heavy metal music pumping in the background... hyped up on Rockstar energy drinks! And... whipped cream with chocolate sprinkles! And... laser-guided sex toys are probably involved! And... and... oh, I know... I'm pretty sure Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked it at some point! |
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