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Blogs > phuckslut > My Blog

Finding sanity in uncertainty  

phuckslut 47M
2 posts
12/2/2009 2:08 am
Finding sanity in uncertainty

Life, Love, and everything else it seems is not entirely what it is cracked up to be...

for those that really know me I know that my recent trials and tribulations have made an impact on the way I act think behave and also have drastically affected the way feel about everything...I am sorry if you have been affected by this change in me.

I am currently very much in Love but very lost and confused...I came home to die finally ready with nothing left to lose and tired of all the pain. I ran into the only person in the world who could prove me wrong in that it seems, apparently I have a lot left to lose and I can endure a lot more pain as recent experiences have shown me...but is all the pain really worth it?

My body is failing me, my heart is hurting, I am emotionally shattered...yet still I find joy in her attentions...just as the abused animal still loves and protects its master...maybe there is something wrong with me on a very fundamental level, something about my core being that "only" wants what I cannot now and never have had...I dream about the simple things like being in a caring loving relationship where I am not cast aside...a family life...being held by my love when everything else in the world is falling apart...being told thats its all going to be ok even if i know im being lied to...

why are these things involving the women I love strictly the territory of the assholes druggies convicts and abusers that have come before me? why do they deserve my dreams yet I dont? I am not certain I will get the chance to experience my dreams before I die in fact I know that I probably wont get to...but I will get to go to my grave knowing that I Loved truly and deeply keeping the promises I made to those I loved and holding onto hope for a better tomorrow for my .

MetalMami 53F
55 posts
12/2/2009 2:36 am

 I really wish you hadn't asked me to read this....
MM


goldwing4fun02 72M/67F
7 posts
12/5/2009 7:14 pm

 I think that there are times in every ones lives when they feel like this. I know I have before. Life seems to toss things at us & we are uncertain how to handle them, or even if we can... But, we continue on. There are days that the sun shines & there are days that the skies are dark - this is part of the flow of the universe. I wish I had a better answer for you, but sometimes we need to find our own solutions. Hope you know that you are loved & you always will be.


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