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| Blogs > Fallic40 > Seeing Red ....... |
Village Idiot, Front And Center, Boy, Answer Problem #7
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Village Idiot, Front And Center, Boy, Answer Problem #7 “I fucking hate math. I can’t fucking do it.” I cannot tell you how many people have left such comments in various posts I have made that mention mathematics. I have taught math classes where I devote an entire lecture to this terror of mathematics. It is like a group therapy session. (Hold on arf a mo while I go put my math geek good polyesters on.) People do not realize how many mathematical calculations are made subconsciously without causing duress. It’s a bit like breathing ‒ it’s only when people start thinking about it, that they start to hyperventilate. (If you ever want to gain an unfair advantage playing golf or tennis, just ask someone whether they breathe in or out on their backswing. Their entire rhythm will disintegrate.) (I am now reaching back for my extendable pointer (no Saf, not that one, I have to reach down, not back, for that) so that we can use the board.) Anyway, let us get back to mathematiphobia. (Is that a cool-arse word, or what?) I truly believe that this phenomenon was caused by pig ignorant math teachers who tortured students by making them go and answer math problems ----- ON THE BLACKBOARD. Oh, everyone has done it. One minute you are passing notes to the girl behind you and then your name is called out with a suitable amount of contempt by said teacher and you are making the walk of shame to the front of the class: usually tripping over the book bags or the artfully placed foot of one of the football team’s too cool linemen. You pick up the piece of chalk and start your answer and SCREECH, SCREECH, SCREECH, SCREECH: bad chalk. You immediately turn red and forget how to work quadratic equations. There is that incredible burning sensation as 25 or 30 pairs of eyes bore into the back of your head: did they notice that your legs are trembling? (It is such an ‘orrible memory that I am sweating and will need to remove my clip-on tie in order to get comfortable again.) That should bring back moments of abject terror for many people (solving problems on the board, not the clip-on tie). Some readers will probably find themselves under the computer desk in the fetal position and sucking their thumbs and wetting their pants as repressed memories blast through their synapses. I apologize for this. I went to a Jesuit school too. I hated, disliked, and detested answering math problems on the board. It is this torture that I blame for all of the phobias involving math. And then after staggering, crawling, wobbling like a drunk back to the pseudo-safety of those weird flip top seats, there was still the review and open house of the problem to endure. And there is always that weird in the front right corner that knows more than the teacher and has no social skills whatsoever. (No, I was not that . I would gladly take payola to not bust a curve.) First of all there are the hands on the hips, lips pursed, and deep thought stare of the teacher as he/she tries to figure out what the fuck the downward sloping numbers on the board mean. Nobody can write in a straight line on a black board! Immediately geek-boy has his hand up and waving ‒ and if it is really bad, there is spittle flying as well. This is followed by the disdainful chalk grab. Teacher’s Union rules mandate that the chalk should be that bright pink color so that all mistakes are easily identified. A sarcastic question is then asked of the class to see if the graffiti on the board could possibly be correct. All corrections are made with a flourish that would do a symphony orchestra composer proud. Finally, the face of the board features that abject humiliation of the subject and all errors are outlined in neon-like chalk for all to see. The entire class has turned around to view the torment of the mathematically inferior. (And, if the problem is complex enough, the resident genius has cum in his pants from a form of mathematical hysteria by this point and is on the cool down.) (Fuck me, I am having a flashback to high school myself, now ‒ discuss complex number theory amongst you while I hide in the bog for a bit.) All of this rings true doesn’t it? Everyone dealt with this kind of math class abuse. I maintain that is this that has left people in abject terror of doing math problems. It is that shame that was heaped on anyone who was not able to complete that particular problem on the board in front of one’s peers. It is a fear of pink chalk. But it is not inability to do math. Everybody does math all of the time. People just do not realize it: and the not realizing it helps everyone no end. Math on, my peeps. (Now if you will excuse me, I am going to turn of all the lights and rub my polyester pant legs together and see if I can make sparks.)  |
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PROOF THAT WOMEN ARE EVIL 1--GIRLS=TIME X MONEY 2--TIME=MONEY 3--GIRLS=MONEY X MONEY We all know that MONEY is the ROOT of all evil...therefor 4--GIRLS=EVIL lustytaurus
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Lusty, that sounds like a Jesuit philosophy class topic. I can even hear my Irish philosphy master, Brother Benedict, reciting that as a mantra
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3/10/2006 10:34 pm |
“I fucking hate math. I can’t fucking do it.” breaks into cold sweat... eeek  TTFN
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3/10/2006 10:36 pm |
* has bad memories of me standing at the board untill I solved the long division problems, eyes on my back, as I tried to shrink away* TTFN
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redlips, actually sit back and think about all the under the radar math you successfully do in a day and you will think yourself a genius. Think about figuring change, cooking, putting gas in the car: it's all math.
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Rosa (who runzwithknives), I see that you get it. 99% of all the math you do, you solve correctly without even thinking about it: in any class you would have a high A. Math teachers have just brainwashed everyone into thinking that they are just not as "special" as math people. I deal with it all the time in classes.
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redlips, I hated standing at the front of the class too: call it performance anxiety. When it comes to the walk of shame, everyone is equal.
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3/11/2006 9:49 am |
I think you need to change the description of your blog. I find it impossible to believe that you don't get the girl every time. Laughter is the best way I know of to get me to spread my legs! The image of you making your polyester pants spark...priceless! And, then cooking as a duo, wham, you're in, man. So, I'd like a little more truth in advertising. Oh, wait, wait. I get it. It's the self-deprecating humor thing. That works. I take it all back except that I think you're adorable.
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3/11/2006 1:28 pm |
This post caught my attention. I'm a 41 year old college student and guess what? Taking math.... And yes, I was one that said I HATE MATH, CAN'T DO IT, SCARES ME!!! Surprising what happens when you try. 2 b's and 2 a's so far and taking my 5th math class, statistics next quarter. Not so scary! Thanks for visiting my blog and welcoming me to yours! -B
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libgem, guess what, statistics is a great math class as none of the problems are theoretical and you actually get to use what you learn.
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bipolybabe, it isn't so much that I cannot get the girl, more that I don't go and try to get the girl as often as I should.
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That's why I invented calculators. Use 'em and be swell.
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Jay, no calculators at the blackboard - you remember doing your time at the front of the class, don't you.
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Candy69, my area of expertise is industrial mathematics. I recently filled in as a substitute for a college math prof. who broke his leg skiing for several weeks. There was always someone in the front row who knew all of the answers. I didn't run into anyone as loathsome as the individual who is in my post. The other thing that was really good to see was the number of really talented ladies in the two classes. It was about a 60% / 40% ratio in favor of the ladies. For years this has been reversed as several generations of women were chased out of math by chauvinistic teachers. I am dealing with one such teacher right now who is "teaching" my oldest daughter and driving her away from math. I have had several heated exchanges with him recently. (I don't really wear polyester.)
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Fallic, that's one memory that will only come back by means of extensive psychotherapy and hypnosis.
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I'm happy these days being able to calculate target heart rates.
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jay, I know a lot of people carrying repressed math memories. After dealing with my 16 year old daughter on some of the issues of writing in front of the class, the only thought that I have on the exerecise is that it is an exercise in futility at best and a form of torture at worst.
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lips, algebra is mainly just an exercise in repetition. I have to use a lot of it in my work. Geometry is almost art. And as for writing straight...........
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LMAO ... Hmmm, extendable pointer, eh? OF COURSE, I'd focus on that! I hate Math, remember? Doesn't mean I don't "do it," what with Quantum Physics and all. Lordy, what a great visual this was. Had me hating "Statistics of Probability" ALL over again. Saffy  This is my blog - [blog _Safira]. There are many like it, but this one is mine. RECOMMENDED READING: A F F The Only Site For Me
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runzwithknives, such an incredible array of problems. 1) The fulcrum problem comes down to learning styles - you are obviously a tactile learner. You need to see and do. 2) Being a middle child sucks - that is why I like being the oldest. However, the oldest gets all the responsibility and the youngest in never allowed to grow up soooooooooooo you might be better off as a middle child once you are on your own. 3) Trains really do leave different stations at different times and go at different speeds - unless you live in the UK and chances are they are on strike so no trains are leaving any station and generating any speed. 4) I file my spices by usage: Indian food, Italian food, Mexican food, baking etc. Cardoman is kept by the curry powder and garam marsala in my cupboard. 5) Check with your neighbour to see if they have a humidifier. Higher levels of humidity result in a reduction of static electricity. I can do physics too.
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jay, I bet you are more comfortable in your plush trainers office talking one on one with a client rather than explaining all of the exact same things on a blackboard.
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Saf We don’t need no education. We don’t need no thought control. No dark sarcasm in the classroom. Teacher, leave those kids alone. Hey, teacher, leave those kids alone! I think this describes going to the blackboard, does it not?
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3/14/2006 9:18 pm |
shopping math I can do Hon... and well...lol  TTFN
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redlips, and you get it right every time too, I bet. An A+ for you today.
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Absofrigginlutley ... ... But Professor Fallic, if I WENT to the blackboard would you help me with your, ummm ..., extendable pointer?  This is my blog - [blog _Safira]. There are many like it, but this one is mine. RECOMMENDED READING: A F F The Only Site For Me
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